09 Oct 2019
by smartignani
in Children, Development, Family, Growing up, humour, Kindergarten, Moments, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Reflection
Tags: child, childhood, childhood development, children, daughter, development, families, Family, humour, inspire, kids, life, love, mom, moms, mother, motherhood, mothers, Parenting, parents
My three babies are not babies anymore! Look how much they’ve grown!
The last time I wrote mommy moment my eldest (8) was 5 and my middle (6) was 3 and my youngest (4) was a toddler. Where is the time going?
Anyways, just because they got older doesn’t mean they lost their humour. Here are some recent moments I would like to share with you:
I know I am blessed with my children but I feel the need to share these with you.
- My 4 year old reminded me today that his peepee needs to “air out”- I don’t even know what that means??!
- My 8 year old came home with another girl’s jewelry. When I asked her to give it back because we don’t take stuff from other people, she replied “Fine! But I look way better in this than she could EVER look!” – What? When did my daughter learn to be a diva?
- My 6 year old informed me that she’ll be a mommy when she’s 14 because I am old and should be a grandma ASAP
- My 4 year old son was crying because his two sisters were picking on him so he turned to them and loudly/confidently declared “Well, You are BOTH ugly!” and walked away. I heard the *Mic Drop*
- My 6 year old forgot to wear underwear one night. Next morning upon discovery she looked at me and said “Mommy, for one night I felt so free”
- My 6 year old often comes up with her own unique language. She called the box on top of our SUV the “bump”, Beauty and the Beast – “Booty and the beast” and she still calls Ketchup “Titchup”, and she calls the trumpet a “fluter”. Her foot is “fuzzing” (numbing) and her nipples are “buttons” – This girl stole my heart a long time ago!
- My 8 year old sings like opera singer. All the time. Then she turns to me and says, “I should get paid for letting you hear me sing” – Seriously?
- I read my 4 year old a bedtime story about apples. Then I said “Red Apple and Grannysmith Apple” – he looks at me and sternly says “Nu uh, that’s not a grannysmith apple, that’s a green apple- try again mama. You are not right” I chose my battles. I admitted to my mistake.
- I work from home and do some travelling and my children always see me dressed up with make-up on. My 8 year old said “When I grow up, I wanna be just like you. A boss lady who does nothing except puts make-up on and just drives everywhere to meetings”
- My 4 year old, when asked what does mommy do? He replies “Changes diapers” (I own my own daycare franchise business).
21 Sep 2018
by smartignani
in Babies, Changes, Childcare, Children, Development, Faith, Family, Fatherhood, Goals, Growing up, Life, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Reflection, Resolutions, Toddlers, Transitions, Uncategorized
Tags: dad, daddy, dads, Family, fathers, growing up, humour, life, mommy, mommy moments, moms, mothering, mothers, parenthood, reflecting
But seriously…Momming is hard you guys. I really reflected on it the other day as I swiped up on my Facebook timeline and read all the concerns and questions of moms who really just want to do the best for their baby. It’s a whirlwind of confusion and queries.
I wake up randomly and ask questions like “Did all three of my kids get all the shots they needed?” or “Do we need a Pediatrician instead of a Family Doctor?” or “Why is my almost-three-year-old not potty trained- is it me or him?”
These questions haunt me and it stands to reason that I think many questions of vast varieties haunt every mom out there. So I wanted to address some common questions here with some answers that I think will add levity and humour to the situation:
- Am I being a good mom when I leave my kids and go out with my girlfriends? Yes. You need to leave them to miss them and they need to adjust to others responding to their needs. Daddy or grandparents or babysitter can help them just fine. Have your glass of whatever-it-is with you girls because you have earned it!
- Is it normal to feel this guilty when leaving my baby at daycare? Yes. What’s not normal is dropping baby off and running away yelling “Start the Car honey, the deed is done!” (Full Disclosure: No one ever does that at our childcare centre but it would be funny). Of course it is normal, oftentimes it is more distressing for the mother than the baby!
- Is it normal to look at pictures and videos of my children on a date with my partner? No. Stop that. It’s just so silly when people do this. I am kidding. It is normal but we really should stop doing that. We just left them at home like 10 minutes ago and we haven’t even ordered the appies!
- Is it normal to feel guilty going away on vacation while the grandparents watch the children? Yes it is normal. But you should feel guiltier leaving me behind!!! Just take me with you please? I pack easily- I am told I can be pretty compact! Don’t let your guilt override the relaxation you can have when you are away. Recharging your batteries is healthy for you and for your little ones. You’ve left them with people you trust, obviously, and made arrangements for their care. Enjoy your time away because you earned it! Reconnect with your partner or your inner self or your core or someone…you are on vacation so start vacating!
- Is it normal to ‘not’ like my kids sometimes? What?! No! You are horrible. What makes you say such a thing. Again, I am totally kidding. There are times where my partner and I want to sell our kids to the highest bidder! It is perfectly normal to intensely wish you could go back to childless days where a mini-version of yourself isn’t standing there with hands-on-hips virtually challenging you in the same tone, and using the same words, you use to manage their behaviour. It’s ok not to like your kids sometimes, it is not ok to not enjoy them at all. That could be signs of depression and that is too depressing to talk about here but we can address it. I struggled with it. Message me if you want to talk about this very serious issue.
- Is it normal to cry after your child’s birthday party? Yes. First of all, you’re exhausted because you just planned this red-carpet, TIFF-worthy, themed, magnificently-designed birthday party that Princess Kate would be jealous of. Well, that and your child is aging. There is nothing more bittersweet than having you baby grow up. I am always torn between wanting them to stay the exact same age and being excited to watch the little people then adults they become. I can’t tell you how nostalgic, sad, excited and fearful I feel on the birthdays of my children. I am a wreck. I love them so much, my heart aches. I cried like a baby when my middle child turned five two days ago. Why? I remembered bringing her home as a baby then I condemned myself for bringing home her baby brother 26 months later and not giving her enough attention when she was 2. Wow. Mommy guilt is real y’all!
- Is it normal to regret going on vacation with children? Yes. Simply put, we regret taking our children on every family vacation we take. Then we look at pictures with fondness. Apparently, it gets easier but it sucks when you’re in the moment. Either they get sick, or drive you bonkers with their behaviour. You are exhausted at 9 pm and end up falling sloppily asleep because they were so all-over-the-darn-place and that embarrassing shade of red on your cheeks was mistaken for too much sun or too much blush. Verdict: Take your kids on vacation but don’t expect to LOVE every moment. Just like home, there will be fun and there will be fury. It’s all good. Healthy mix. They should create a miniseries on TVO or something: The Fun and the Furious (Parents on vacation with kids).
- Is it normal to resent my partner for not being as anxious as me about their development? Yes. But stop it. Face their challenges as they happen not before they do. Then you waste time worrying about things that may not happen and when they do, your defenses are down and you are not strong enough to face them. If your partner seems more relaxed about things, it is to balance you out. It does not help anyone to have both sets of parents stressing over everything when it comes to the children. Make sure you take turns though because it can be pretty exhausting to be the comforter all the time. Our partners need the time to be anxious and worried and they need us to be chill and comforting.
- Is it normal to feel jealous when my baby wants my partner more than me? Ummm, the question is, what are you doing standing there watching? Dude, go take a shower or do your nails or wax them eyebrows!! Don’t stand there and nurse the emotions of jealousy? Instead, say something like, “Oh, looks like the baby needs YOU right now! I will give you some bonding time and space. You are an awesome parent. Love you!” And then run. Get your shoes on and GET OUT OF THE HOUSE or head to your room. Go for a walk, a stretch, a nap, a shower, a massage, shopping or even drinking. I don’t know. Whatever turns your crank. Just do it. But yes, it’s normal to be jealous. I wasn’t impressed when I did everything for the baby and they would cry or say “Daddy” as their first word. Now, after three little ones, not so much. I just shrug my shoulder and say “Meh, take’em” and find an alternative activity that brings me joy and peace.
- Is it normal to hear yourself be your mother? Yup. You read that correctly. Sometimes I am so keenly aware that my mother’s words, actions, mannerisms have completely invaded my body and mind and I suddenly become my mom. It may not necessarily be a bad thing for some people but for me, I always wanted to be less anxious, more free and less militant with my kids. I. Am. Not. Let’s put it this way, I hold their hands up and down the stairs until they are at least three years of age. I fed them pureed food much later than necessary to avoid choking. I still need to potty train my almost-three-year-old (can you tell this is a sensitive issue for me currently). The other day I caught myself saying, “Like it or not, you will do what I say because I am your mother and that is that!” – Whaaaaaaat?! That was not in any parenting book I ever read and definitely was not a recommended statement befitting of my relaxed-authoritative parenting style! The struggle is real y’all.
Ok. So what did we learn from all this everybody?
We are not perfect but we are perfect for our kids. Think about that. You are perfect for your child. Your child was created for you and you are everything your child needs. You are sufficient and magnificent with all your flaws and all your imperfections. You are perfectly imperfect and just what your child needs. With your love and patience, your crazy-mommy moments and your tender touch, your baby is blessed by you.
So stay fierce. Just be who you are. Everything you doubt doing is amazing. Your effort is clear to all of us and please just do what is right for your child. Don’t listen to others’ experience because no one else has your baby!
Peace and love y’all.
SMartignani
02 Jul 2017
by smartignani
in Children, Development, Family, Fatherhood, Goals, Growing up, Life, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Reflection, Toddlers, Uncategorized
Tags: advice, Babies, child, children, dad, daughter, Decisions, development, Family, father, fatherhood, fathers, God, humour, husband, inspirational, inspire, kids, life, love, mom, mother, motherhood, mothers, normal, Parenting, parents, themes
This is a short compilation of recent mommy moments that I feel the need to share with the world.
- My three year old still thinks that hairplanes depart from the hairport.
- My 19 months old son will randomly go up to dogs anywhere and start bopping up and down – dancing to an imaginary song in his head. Dogs usually love that.
- I spelled out to my husband, very quickly, that a friend is trying to get p-r-e-g-n-a-n-t and my 5 year old immediately asked – “Who is trying to get pregnant mommy?”
- My three year old came up to me and said “Mommy, I love you as much as pickles” then walked away. She doesn’t like pickles that much.
- My husband did the laundry which was awesome. My toddler wore my underwear on his head when someone rang the door and he came running up. Not awesome.
- My five year old exclaimed loudly, in public, “Mommy why is that man screwing around?” as she pointed to a gentlemen who was fixing a chair with a screwdriver.
- My toddler is frustrated that the TV is not touch screen. He can’t swipe anything. So frustrating for him. There are tiny fingerprints literally ALL OVER our TV screen.
- My 3 year old likes to watch TB and often tells people in random places “I love my TB.” As people noticeably and justifiably back away.
- My 5 year old broke down today because it was so hot and said- “I am dehydrated mommy- are you trying to kill me? Hydrate me please, that is all I ask!”
- A magician at a small party asked the kids, what do you breathe out into the balloon- all the kids shouted “air” but my 5 year old declared “Carbon Dioxide!”
- My toddler keeps running away from imaginary people who are trying to tickle him. He then chases same and says “Tickle, tickle, tickle” I think he sees the unseen.
- My 3 year old will sit down for breakfast and have a bowl of cereal then a bowl of oatmeal and then desperately ask “Do we have any more Eggos?”
- My 5 year old blamed mommy when she got in trouble at school, stating and I quote “My mommy made me this way. This is how I was born.”
- My toddler physically removes and carries really heavy items out of the pantry then cries because he doesn’t know how to put them down.
- When asked who she loves more, mommy or daddy, my 5 year old daughter proudly and confidently asserts “God”.
I can’t be prouder and they can’t be more beautiful in my eyes. Thank you Lord for blessing them. Please share your moments if you like!
Smartignani
27 Jun 2017
by smartignani
in Bedtime, Changes, Children, Development, Family, Fatherhood, Goals, Life, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Reflection, Tantrums, Transitions, Uncategorized
Tags: abdnormal, advice, bedtime routines, child, children, development, Family, father, fatherhood, fathers, guidance, help, humour, inspire, life, mother, motherhood, mothers, normal, Parenting, parents, themes, tips
Some of our battles are quite epic! Please tell me I am not alone. My preschooler and my kindergartner share a room and a bunk bed and THEY NEVER WANT TO SLEEP!
We have a routine. We change into our pjs, we brush our teeth, we pray in our beds, most nights I read a story, we snuggle and huggle and cuddle and huddle. I rub their back, I play with their hair, I sing songs and I plead, beg, bribe, reward, remind, count-down, count-up, cry, tickle and threaten but NOTHING WORKS!
These kids just won’t sleep. They refuse to succumb to any strategy I have used thus far. The only thing I can think of is splitting them up which will suck for us because we will lose our extra guest room which I use when family comes over. The other reason I don’t want to split them up is because that would mean one of them sharing the bathroom with my toddler who is not a heavy sleeper which means one toilet flush or one song and he is AWAKE! I cannot have that!
I am beaming with pride during the day. They are good, wholesome, beautiful young ladies. They share, they care and they dress themselves. They tidy up when asked to and we operate within a very strict sticker reward system that sees them closer to their goal of going to a fun “place” once they achieve a certain number of stickers. Positive behaviour is rewarded and negative behaviour is also acknowledged through the loss of stickers. It’s an ongoing delicate balance of telling one daughter “You get 2 stickers for listening right away” and telling her sister that “Whining is not acceptable, you will lose one sticker now”.
I feel like we made progress everywhere in their behaviour. Despite my eldest’s incessant arguing (it is part of her curious nature to be inquisitive even though sometimes it feels like she is questioning my authority- it is usually unintentional). The middle child is cautious and every so sensitive, so I feel like we made great gains in making her more confident to experience the world and know that she will always have our love and support. However, together and after the bewitching hour of 7:15 pm, they become tiny hellions that are more boisterous than a small crowd of protesters in front of city hall. I have tried installing a monitor to yell at them through it but it did nothing but make me irate with the sheer amount of shushing and threatening I had to do while they action ideas, which I can hear, that are just no no no no no good!
I read forums about this so I decided to stop listening in and I took away the monitor. I decided to just let them play but all I kept hearing downstairs from their room is banging, thumping, stomping and screaming. They would often wake up their baby brother which would send me into a small dark rage and result in them losing the ability to attend events, visits or even go out in public! My husband kept telling me to stop incentivizing them with what we will be doing next that would be fun and I listened even though that was the only thing that worked with them! If we had a wedding, or party or fun event coming up, I would say “Remember, if you listen and go to sleep tonight, we can go to…and have lots of fun”. It worked beautifully but this did not sit well with my husband so he implemented the strike system.
Strike one, they lose their books and flashlight (yes, they each have 3 or 4 books to read in their bed). Strike two, we close the curtains (we keep them open for daylight and until they sleep) then last strike, we turn off their star nightlight since they do not like the dark- that is absolutely the worst one.
It is working except, if I give a strike then it affects both girls and the eldest usually says “But mommy, why are you punishing me? I’m listening!” And she is right. I don’t know if this is a foolproof system, certainly my 5 year-old is no fool!
So I really don’t know what to do or whether to actually do anything at all. I am blogging about it to see if I am the only one in the mamaverse who is struggling with this. My goodness, some days, I just hate bed time. If I wasn’t sure that they need at least 13 hours of sleep, I wouldn’t have even bothered putting them to sleep at all! And even though I start bedtime at 7:15 pm most nights, they are not usually asleep until 9 or 9:30 pm- crazy right?
There is something wrong with these children. Don’t mince words. Just tell me- WHAT IS WRONG WITH THESE CHILDREN?
LOL.
Smartignani
03 Oct 2016
by smartignani
in Babies, Changes, Childcare, Children, Daycare, Development, Family, Goals, Growing up, Holidays, Reflection, Resolutions, Toddlers, Transitions, Uncategorized
Tags: advice, child, children, dad, development, Family, fathers, humour, life, mother, motherhood, mothers, Parenting, parents, school, students, time, work
So Christmas 2016 is around the corner and I am just guffawing at how quickly time is melting away. I am constantly looking at my “babies” (and I am using that term loosely since they are now 3 and 5) and wondering “What the heck happened?”
There is no end to my disbelief that time could possibly move that fast. It needs to SLOW DOWN. Seriously.
My baby, who I feel I just had and brought home yesterday is almost one year old! What?! I’m so saddened yet secretly relieved that he made it this far with his two crazy older sisters jabbing, kicking, poking and kissing the heck out of him!
This year was like so many before it, CRAZY! Is it me or do things get more insane each year you get older?
Let’s see, this year alone I sold my business, almost lost my mom, raised thousands of dollars to save my mom, helped two close friends through some tough times, reconnected with family that I didn’t know before, survived three grueling months of sickness that was passed back and forth between the members of my family, contracted some form of illness that gives me constant and intense bone pain throughout my entire body and I got rammed in the back of my SUV with all my kids in the car. And it is only the beginning of October- OY VEY!
I am grateful and so thankful to God that nothing really bad happened this year. Even though I keep waiting for something really bad to happen- there is, sadly, an ever-present sense of foreboding and doom that resides deep within my soul. I have to intentionally wake up each morning and suppress it like a dormant demon that is inflaming me and trying to steal my joy.
Talking about joy- I have more joy in my life than I can wish for. My children and husband, my family and friends. My brother and sister. My in-laws and nieces and nephews. I am so blessed with such amazing and lovely people in my life that I seldom fear the demons within. But there is one remaining phase in my life, I neither wish to face nor desire to imagine… leaving my children to return to work.
It is very difficult for me to acknowledge this but some days, like all other moms, I have a deep and seated desire to wake up, put make-up on and leave the house to go to a place where I can make money and talk to other adults about stuff other than poopy diapers, dirty dishes and the endless nagging of a threenager. Then almost immediately afterwards, I am plagued with intense guilt combined with profound sadness. I feel like I am giving up on my babies who are growing up too fast (hence the initial part of this post) and I am abandoning them in favour of adult conversation and income stability. I loathe the decision to return to work and I envy the ladies who can afford to stay home with their children but I know in my heart that I am not cut out to be a stay-at-home-mommy. I really don’t like house chores and I am quite tired of my kids by the time noon hits. If I am being very truthful, I look forward to missing them a bit – is that awful to admit?
We were looking at the childcare options available to us and we decided to go with a nanny. With three children (2 full-time and 1 part-time) this was our only option. The nanny will apparently help keep the house tidy and clean as well as take care of my children. We interviewed many people and met many nice ladies in the process. We perfected our questions and made a decision. I will not jinx it yet because it is not confirmed but I do hope she accepts our offer.
I am not sure why I even wrote this post. I just needed to let it be known that I am going back to work and maybe seek validation from other moms who were in my shoes?
If you are that mommy- talk to me and tell me I am not insane and heartless because of my sporadic and intermittent fluctuations of wanting to play grown-up after my maternity leave is up some days and my intensely deep and mourning-like days of loss and pain for the future of my children without me for 9 hours a day.
Talk to me!
SMartignani
16 Jun 2016
by smartignani
in Babies, Changes, Children, Development, Family, Fatherhood, Growing up, Kindergarten, Life, Maternity LEave, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Reflection, school, Toddlers, Transitions, Uncategorized
Tags: Babies, Child-Rearing, childhood development, children, dad, dads, daughter, development, discipline, families, Family, father, fatherhood, fathers, humour, kids, life, love, mom, moms, mother, motherhood, Parenting, parents, son, toddlers
Some days I feel really accomplished and others…not so much. I have really enjoyed this maternity leave particularly because it is my last. It also helps that I sold my businesses so I am free to enjoy motherhood to the fullest extent.
Of course, there was that stint of anxiety and bout of despair when my mom was dying in the ICU (she recovered thank God) and since then, without fail, one of my three kids has been vitally ill on any given day. But overall, I am doing more enjoying than fretting and that is an accomplishment.
My life has drastically evolved since the third child. Ok, who am I kidding? It has been revolutionized. I feel like chaos can really be a way of life now. I sit back sometimes and I just laugh at the absurdity of everything. For example, last week on a Saturday, my eldest accidentally head-butted the baby which caused a stream of tears and a very angry cry while my toddler ran face-first into the wall and ended up with a bloody nose – all at the same time. This all happened in the blink of an eye. Everyone was crying. I was laughing hysterically, like an evil scientist who openly relishes the sound of children’s cries. Sometimes to ensure your sanity- you just have to laugh at it all. Everyone was fine and with some tissue paper for the bloody nose, a few cuddles and tickles for the head-butt injury and a gentle “It’s ok honey, it was an accident” – everyone was fine.
I wanted to take a minute and just say this… am I the only one who feels like I am back in high-school and trying to fit in when I go pick up my daughter from kindergarten? Parents can be really clique-ish- no? I was waiting outside today and I looked over to find two moms talking quietly. I waved and said “Hello” and it was an audible “Hello” not one of these mousey, shy “Hellos” – know what I mean? Anyway, one mom just gave me this contrived smile and the other ignored me altogether. Wow. Maybe I’m just not cool enough to talk to them. Maybe they are hating my new hairdo. Maybe I offended them with my strong and confident “Hello”… I don’t know. All I know is, I have a choice not to get too obsessed in wanting to be accepted because at my age- I don’t care what others think of me. I know that makes me sound awful but truly- if you are going to judge me and not even get to know me then it’s your loss- not mine. Because I honestly think I’m a pretty awesome person! There. Take that. On to more important things…
I am on a mission to shed the pounds I gained in my three pregnancies. I gained quite a few pounds so it’s taking a while. I’m close to starving all the time but I am too scared to stop because the doctor almost guaranteed Diabetes if I don’t shed the weight. I find it easier to remain on course when I think about my kids. I want to be there for their graduations, weddings, and maybe even for their own kids. I don’t want to be the old, fat mom who looks 20 years older than she really is. What will the clique-ish Lululemon moms at the school think of me and my fat “hellos” then- huh?
My eldest daughter is taking oral laxatives behind my back. I swear the kid never shuts up. I love it but I hate it at the same time. She’s so interesting and everything she says is adorable but when I’m trying to actually get her moving, it’s next to impossible. She is not a multi-tasker. She was gifted with the gift of gab. I can’t believe how much she talks. And here I was wondering if her language skills will develop because she wasn’t really speaking by the age of 2.5. Really? I shouldn’t have worried. I am hoping my middle daughter will NOT learn to speak until she’s 5. That way, I won’t have competing trance-talking going on. It’s too funny. I can tune her out and she will just keep on talking and yakking. Then she will stop sometimes and ask “Right Mama?” but I have to be careful. What am I agreeing to? So I say “Which part is right?” See? Sneaky, smart, strategic momma is at play here. I mentally pat myself on the back when she replies by reiterating the last phrase that needed confirmation. I’m in the clear. I will either agree or correct her thoughts and then the droning will begin again. Sometimes, I drift away in my mind about my to-do list or a recent commercial I saw or how I need to cut the baby’s toenails because he is quite literally growing them out like some gross racoon paws and then I suddenly hear her say something like… “And then I’m like CRAP DUDE, why are you being such a donut and he says because you are short like a hobbit and I’m like I don’t even know what a hobbit is and then I walk away but my shorts are dirty because of the grass on my butt. Butt is a funny word. Did you know another word for butt is ash. Today I heard this big kid call his brother an ash-hole. That’s funny- right momma?”
Me: “No Sweetheart, Ash is not a nice word and it’s not funny. That boy should not talk to his brother like that. God wants us to be kind to one another and not call each other names”.
Her: “So how come daddy calls me a Hoggler and my sister a Donut and my baby brother Stinky?”
Me: “Daddy is just joking with you and none of those names are rude.”
Her: “Ok. Any way so today in school I….”
And on and on and on and on and on. Phew, close one. Note to self- talk to the hubby. Tell him the story- and laugh about it later!
My middle kid is temperamental, defiant and intelligent. Every trait she picked up from me. I’m not ashamed to admit the truth. She looks like me, she yells like me and most of all, she’s got this low, manly laugh like me! When I was younger, I would answer the phone and my voice was so deep, people would think they are talking to my dad. So it’s either my poppa sounds like a woman or I had the deep, vibrato voice of a man. Until now, when I wake up and try to talk, I sound like my husband. It’s ok, I’ve come to terms with this quirky attribute. Let’s leave it there. Maybe that’s why the moms at her school won’t talk to me? I must be confusing them with my manly, confident “Hello”. Oh well…
The baby is the best. He’s like a good book, I can’t put him down. Lately, my favourite thing to do in the entire world (which is hyperbolic at best since it’s not but let’s go with it) is making him giggle. Is there a better sound in this universe than a baby’s heart-felt giggle? If you say yes, then you are heartless or need to go get yourself a baby and make him giggle. Don’t hate- appreciate. Besides, I have to blow on his belly and tickle his feet then motorboat his neck in order to get the full-on giggle that can be heard down the street. It’s so much work, I end up sweating and only catching glimpses of his enormous, blissful, drooling open mouth and eyes that sparkle with laughter as well. The thing is, when you tickle a baby, you have to do it quickly and consecutively.They have such short attention spans that they will literally forget you were playing with them and just move on from said activity. Then you are left saying things like “Hello” and having them not respond to you… ahem ahem…like some people!!
Finally, I would like to state my horror at how sick the world is today. I’m not going to dig too deep or go into many details but suffice it to say, I’m afraid for my children’s futures. Pedophiles, mass shootings, addictions, mental unhealth, impoverished moralities, victimized abusers, and an endless cycle of evil begetting evil. I’m sure that such things existed since the beginning of time but everyday I wake up and there is another stark reminder that our world is sick. I am sure that everything bad is known much quicker because of social media and sometimes, one just can not turn it off. I often wonder why people post all those negative things on their wall. Why not use your power to influence the friends on your list with positivism. We need more love – people. More acceptance and forgiveness. We need to set an example to our children. We need to show kindness and openness. We all bleed red. We all need to be accepted.
Except me and those moms. I’m over it. Really. Done and done.
Good night and God bless. And like Ellen always says- “Be kind to one another”.
Smartignani
02 Jan 2015
by smartignani
in Changes, Children, Development, Faith, Family, Fatherhood, Goals, God, Growing up, Holidays, Life, Moms, Motherhood, New Year, Parenting, Reflection, Resolutions, Toddlers, Transitions, Uncategorized
Tags: advice, child, children, dad, dads, dreams, faith, families, Family, father, fathers, gifts, goals, God, guidance, healing, humour, husband, inspirational, inspirations, inspire, life, love, mom, moms, motherhood, new year, Parenting, parents, reflection, resolutions, spiritual, time, tips, wife
Every year coming to a close is a reminder that we were ‘gifted’ with a new beginning. Many people have lost loved ones in 2014 and struggled through pain and personal battles that we cannot see or understand. In the same year, many others have reached the pinnacle of their careers, met their soul mates, married, became pregnant or birthed a child. Many children found a home whether with a foster family or through adoption. As for me… there are many challenges- some health related and some familial while others are professional. Any way you look at it, a year is a LONG time for things to happen and much of what we anticipate and fear can happen at any moment. So my post today is about gratitude and resilience.
Ever wondered how a person can go on after being struck by a horrible accident or injury? Ever wondered how people can smile through personal storms and battles? I have and I realized that resiliency is an inherent capacity to withstand all the bad and anticipate all the good.
I am suddenly aware of all the things and poeple in my life that are mortal and transient. Parents ail, children grow, jobs change, money is gained and lost, climates shift, friends grow farther away or closer together, circumstances evolve and my story is being written each and every day I breathe. My faith in God and His love does not fade nor weakens because in all of this I believe that there is a higher purpose for our lives and how we choose to live them.
I want to leave an impact, a legacy when I cease to exist. I always tell my husband that I would like to be “remembered well” when I die. But how does that happen exactly?
Here, I have compiled 10 new resolutions I will endeavour to accomplish in 2015. No matter what happens, I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.
1) I will pray more, praise more, worship more. I will realize the frailty of life and how in a blink of an eye it can all cease to be. I will recognize my mere existence on earth and treat it as a journey. I will be grateful for every breath given to me and every morning I wake up- I will be revitalized. I will ensure that my constancy is in the knowledge that nothing else is constant. I will fill my heart and soul with gratitude to the point of bursting so that all can see how amazing it is to be alive.
2) I will love unconditionally. This task is challenging due to its magnitude. This one resolution is one of my life’s missions. In order to truly love others you must forfeit your own self-worth and the perceptions you constructed based on your years lived here on earth. You must release all prejudice and choose to see people for who they are not what they are trying to be. To love unconditionally means to sacrifice criticism for encouragement and deliberately blind yourself from context and circumstance. Nothing matters and nothing should affect your love for others. I aspire to have love as my new drug to which I will become hopelessly addicted- no boundaries, no limits, no reservations. Period.
3) I will see my husband and children again. I will yell less and smile more. I will make an effort to enjoy cleaning up the mess my three-year-old makes instead of chastising her for it. I will let my infant feed her hair and roll in the play-doh if that is her heart’s desire. I will listen more to my husband’s whispered words at night before bed and take a special interest in how he says what he feels not only what he is saying. I will see my husband and children for the blessings they are to me and I will share with them the wonders of God. I will love them unconditionally.
4) I will see nature. I will make more of an effort to count the stars and appreciate the sunshine. I will build snowmen and sand castles. I will listen for the waves and the rustle in the trees. I will smell the flowers and curiously observe the bees gathering honey. I will enjoy the sensation of being outside, in the outdoors and truly take in what our world is providing us. Beautiful blessings of nature. I will enjoy the silence more and ‘Be Still’.
5) I will be a good example to others. Integrity, honesty, positivity and respect- all traits that I truly admire in others. I will be a beacon to those who are not willing or able to uphold values. I will speak out when there is wrongdoing and I will be courageous to stand up to peers, friends and my superiors when these basic human ethics are not demonstrated. I will keep in mind that I am far from perfect and exchange judgement for encouragement. I will give more to those in need and stop my car to help the person on the road whose car has stalled. I will stop and ask a stranger who is crying if they need anything from me. I will assist others when they feel alone. All the time. No exceptions.
6) I will see silver lining. Everyone struggles. Bad things happen to good people. You can’t avoid some sicknesses, accidents, tragedies or pains. How I choose to react to bad things is what matters. I will choose to be more positive and see the silver lining. I will work on my patience and endurance. I will attempt to see the big picture and appreciate that everything happening is part of a bigger plan that will make me stronger, more powerful and more resilient. I will selectively ‘like’ and read the updates and stories that inspire me on the various social media sites where we are constantly bombarded. I will stop over-analyzing, over-calculating and overthinking everything. I will just be in the moment and smile at what’s to come.
7) I will stop comparing myself to others. There is nothing more time-consuming and fruitless that spending time comparing yourself to others. There are a multitude of individuals who inhabit our planet and they are all at varying degrees of wealth, fitness, love, success and so on. Constant reminders on Facebook and Twitter of what we don’t have does not help in my pursuit of personal fulfillment. I will no longer envy or betray the blessings I have been given in exchange for petty concern and frivolous anger. I will be inspiring to others without boasting my blessings. I will congratulate more, empathize more and bless more. I will demote my base feelings of jealousy and elevate my humanity. I will appreciate by praise those who give of themselves, those who serve and those who are living their lives with humility and impact. Instead of wanting to be as wealthy or as successful as others, I will only seek to be the best I can be without comparison or compromise. (Thank you fellow wordpress blogger tom.basson for your article on this and the photo: http://tombasson.wordpress.com/2013/01/14/why-comparing-is-stupid-and-how-to-stop/)
8) I will laugh. Not just the giggle or fake laugh that we demonstrate when our superiors say something funny… laughing as in my belly hurting. I will locate the people who I can share laughter with and just put that on the menu. I will play more board games that would make me laugh and I will read more auto-correct fails. I will find new ways each day to share a laugh with my children or husband because at the end of the journey, you remember the stories that end with “we laughed and laughed until our bellies ached…”
9) I will be present…in the present. Nothing is more frightful than the inability to recall memories. Memories only become so because you remember the present. People who are struck with amnesia are afraid and lost because they can’t remember who they are or who the people they loved are either. So being present in the present is a blessing and a gift. We cannot move forward into the future without knowing where we are right now. The past is the past and it’s a great lesson in history. Now is amazing because we can still re-write history. We can make a change effective immediately. We can give of ourselves now. I want to stop looking at the future because I don’t know what tomorrow brings. I want to live now, laugh now and love now. I will put away my phone at home and when my daughter says “Mommy, look, see?” – I will not reply with “Eh, hmmmm, ok dear, that’s great” – no, I will ask questions and be sincere and say “Wow… what is that? Can you explain it to me? Do you like it? Well done. You are so smart!”
10) I will make time for quiet reflection. Life is busy. Incredibly, unforgivingly, incessantly busy. I have learned that peaceful moments where I can contemplate, reflect and reassess can afford me the ability to make sound decisions and impeccable choices. I can regret less because I have given matters clear thought before proceeding. I am the most impulsive person you would ever know… so this resolution will be very tough for me. I will need to implement it though if I have any hope of making the other 9 come true.
Happy New Year to all of you. May 2015 bring you wholesome joy, endless blessings and a year of wondrous discovery and limitless hope.
Until Next Time,
Smartignani
14 Jan 2014
by smartignani
in Babies, Changes, Childbirth, Childcare, Children, Daycare, Development, Family, Fatherhood, Growing up, Maternity LEave, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Potty Training, Toddlers, Transitions, Uncategorized
Tags: Babies, childhood, childhood development, children, dad, dads, daughter, daycare, development, discipline, families, Family, father, fatherhood, humour, kids, life, love, mom, moms, mother, motherhood, Parenting, parents, son, toddlers
Here is the thing. The truth is being a parent is not all that bad. There is a silver lining to the sleepless nights, the irritating whining, the endless crying, the anxiety, the nasty poops and the interminable temper tantrums. I will not even mention the incessant screaming, embarrassing sounds and scents or the countless hours spent coaxing, rubbing, carrying, bouncing, singing, humming, gurgling, rasberrying, silly face making to appease/please/calm/restore/distract/heal/put to sleep/make’em laugh/discipline/show them you love them.
Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the silver lining. Ok. So here is a list of some silly things you get to do as a parent that you could not do before (at least in public):
1) Your cartoon movie collection has now exponentially increased and surprisingly you stocked it with some classic movies that we all know junior will not even understand yet (Transformers? Voltron? Pink Panther? Felix the Cat? really??)
2) You have come to terms with the difference between what “messy” looked like before you had kids and now. A toy here or there and a book lying around your nice living room (where you greet guests) is not messy at all. As opposed to pre-children when you would dust, clean, mop and vacuum. Now we are lucky if we don’t trip over the tiny wind up car left on the floor by the stairs… there it is, I was looking for you car.
3) You realize now that naps are not a luxury but a necessity…for you. Not the kids.
4) Farting in public is so much easier now that you can blame it on the children!
5) Spit-up does not smell very bad after a couple of hours. It has a natural baby-je-ne-se-quoi scent to it that makes people lean in closer and nuzzle you.
6) Baby powder ain’t just for kids… fun fun fun for the whole family! We find remnants of that stuff in every orifice of the house afterwards!
7) You don’t really need to hang out with anyone you don’t want to hang out with for extended periods of time because junior is going to get hungry/tired/manic/restless/sleepy/gassy/thirsty/sick… you decide on the excuse because we all know that is exactly what it is.
8) You realize that your true friends are the ones who will love you and your kids even through the stage of TEETHING when your child turns into Dr. Jekyll.
9) Moms, you look at yourselves in the mirror and feel good about how thin you are compared to when you were pregnant… the little hanging fold of skin is superficial. Bio Oil makes it disappear, trust Dr. Oz!
10) You never appreciated being alone with your spouse/friends more than when you can drop the kids off at the grandparents/baby-sitters and go out finally… there is an adrenaline rush that occurs accompanied by feelings of euphoria for the temporary freedom. Seriously though, you love your kids but everyone needs a little break dude.
11) You have an excuse to get to Church a little late… and leave a little early… and eat those yummy sandwiches first.
12) You develop a new appreciation for left-over, pre-digested food and candy and juices of all kind. Everywhere you go, you seem to be finishing your child’s plate/drink/sandwich
13) You have made up the words to at least three nursery rhymes/Christmas Carols/Songs/Hymns… like seriously… who knows all the words to Frosty the Snowman?
14) You are getting to be a master at skipping pages in a long storybook without your child noticing…
15) you are memorizing by heart all the words to Dr. Seuss books
16) You are definitely checking the time every 15 minutes when you get close to bed-time and you are secretly planning what you will do in the two hours from 8 pm to 10 pm after the kids sleep. So many exciting things to do, shall I knit or take a bath or cook tomorrow’s meal or catch up on the last episode of Big Bang or just, oh look its already 10 pm and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
17) You most likely have your phone ringers off after a certain time as to not awake the kids so you really don’t talk on the phone much.
18) You recognize now how vital daycare is…no matter the cost… we will stop eating if it means 8 hours of peace and quiet!
19) You find yourself wondering the weirdest things before you go to sleep like why is the alphabet song is the same tune as twinkle, twinkle little star and who invented Sophie the Giraffe and why on earth you didn’t…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz
20) After a crappy day doing whatever it is you do, NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is better than getting a huge, sloppy, wet kiss from your kids or a genuine smile from your infant.
If that’s not the silver lining, I don’t know what is!!
Until next time,
Smartignani
05 Nov 2013
by smartignani
in Babies, Children, Family, Fatherhood, Motherhood, Parenting, Toddlers
Tags: advice, Babies, childhood, childhood development, children, dad, dads, daughter, development, families, Family, father, fatherhood, humour, kids, life, mom, moms, mother, nursing, Parenting, parents, time, toddlers
Ever since Lisee was born, we have been on the go. Things get pretty busy with two little ones. I figured my last two posts were pretty heavy so let’s make this one a little funny. At least it will be… to me because I usually enjoy laughing at my own jokes.
So my toddler is potty training. By that, I mean, we are talking/lecturing/yelling/pleading/bribing/begging her to pee and poop on the potty but to no avail. She is just not interested. We tried giving her Skittles when she goes. It worked for a while until she decided all the work was just not worth one Skittle as a reward. In fear of making this a negotiable action, I decided against offering external rewards for a natural, biological event. Bad idea. I think I might just start bribing again.
She eats what we eat so in turn that means she tends to excrete what we excrete (I know, yucky, sorry). It’s getting bigger, stinkier and stickier. I know that everyone says she needs to be ready. I don’t know if she is but we definitely are! So we are talking about the underwear. Celebrating every achievement with “You Did It!” and we are consistently reminding her to “Go on the potty”. Tonight she was helping me fold towels (I had to refold them all but it was so sweet that she was trying) and I saw the face… y’know, the one she makes when there is a little push required. A second later, the room was consumed with the penetrating stench of a poop in progress. I asked her “Do you want to go on the potty?” and of course she quickly said “No”. Then I proceeded to enthusiastically suggest to her “Let’s go to the potty.” To which she responded “No Mama”. In desperation and self-preservation I demanded, “C’mon, we poopoo in the potty not in our pull-up” to which my sweet angel sternly replied while wagging a finger at me “Mama, Juya said NO!” (that is how she pronounces her name which is Julia).
I lose. Too late. Daddy cleaned it up because he usually puts her to bed. I can hear him seriously saying “Poopoo goes in the potty Julia not in your pull-up” and I giggle. I never thought I would find that sexy. But somehow, someway, I find it extremely appealing when I hear my husband with my toddler as he lectures her, tickles her, wrestles her, disciplines her, feeds her and reads her a book. He is such a hands-on dad and I love that. I especially adore the giggles that escape from her as he chases her around the house then hides. She then begins her search for him with a sloppy, carefree smile and a squeally, high-pitched “Amma gonna getchu” (Translation: I am going to get you).
Meanwhile, I get to nurse my baby who is now 6 weeks old and I already feel like she is getting too big too fast. RANDOM OFF-TOPIC thought: I have decided that Newborn clothing is a waste of money because babies only wear the ultra-small stuff for like 4 weeks then its 0-3 months for the most part.
Anyhow, I get to play with my baby and feed her and dress her while my husband takes care of her big sister. I don’t know how people say having three kids is easy because there are only two of us. How do people do it? If we have a third, I may have to sit the other two down and let them know that someone may be pink slipped 🙂
In all seriousness now, I can’t believe the number of people who stopped to admire the baby hats I have been knitting and decorating with clip-on flowers. A lady actually told me to blog it for other parents and I said I would so I will and I am – here it is. If you have a little girl and like me, people can’t tell if it is a boy or girl, just buy/make a knitted hat and insert a flower clip in it. Here are two photos of hats I knitted on a round loom (so easy, if I can do it anyone can).
Are they not adorable and so cheap!
Also, here is some other cool advice from moi to toi:
– Buy yourself a sanitizer for baby stuff because boiling water is from the dark ages and so slow comparably. Use the time you would spend boiling water, placing objects gingerly in water with tongs then extracting objects and letting them cool off before use and enjoy your baby instead.
– Breast feeding is not all it’s cracked up to be. I have to supplement my baby with formula and I can’t wait until I don’t have to nurse anymore. I can’t really spend time with her or play with her while nursing and quite honestly, I already know she is going to be the slowest darn eater on the planet. A single feeding can take upwards of one hour. Seriously!!
– Invest in a good crock-pot. Discover the luxury of chopping veggies and buying stewing beef or roast to place the next morning in the slow-cooker so you do not have to worry about dinner (and it’s healthy). Instead of cooking, spend time with the kids.
– Nipple Shields. Man’s greatest invention. Enough said.
– Buy a playpen with vibrating capabilities. Usually buys us another half hour or so of complete bliss (for the baby) and time for us to finish vacuuming/showering/laundry/dusting/stretching/online banking/insert preferred activity here.
– Have a routine of things you do on a day together. Our eldest knows that Saturdays, she gets to jump in bed between us, play games on my smartphone while I nurse the baby and daddy catches a few more precious minutes of sleep. On Sundays, we go to Church together as a family then come home and nap as a family. Because you know what they say… the family that naps together, stays together.
– Figure out what your toddler likes to eat and use it to leverage certain situations to achieve beneficial results. Do not fear the stigma attached to bribery and never underestimate its proven potential for success. My husband figured out that Julia likes apples so now she needs to finish her dinner to have an apple (healthy and motivational- life is good).
– Argue in front of your kids (respectfully) and then resolve and make-up in front of them too. It’s important that they see anger as a natural part of life and more importantly how to deal with it. Parents who only fight behind closed doors and maintain a serene face for the kids are setting unrealistic expectations of what the perfect marriage should be. Deal with all emotions so that the kids are well-prepared for reality. And honestly, it is creepy when parents don’t fight. Isn’t it?
– New mommies, I know this is hard, but DO try and treat yourself once in a while. It is ok to leave the baby in the bassinet and go get a hot shower or manicure. Dare I even suggest you get your hair done?
– We were husband and wife before we were mommy and daddy so give lots of kisses and hugs to your spouse in front of your children. My daughter loves it when I loudly kiss daddy on the cheek and she consistently giggles, blushes then demands loudly “More, more, more” (in that order) to which, of course, I willingly oblige.
– Adopt the following methodology of diaper changing for babies: Place a new diaper under the old diaper before opening it to save yourself getting peed on or worse, pooed on (it happened to my husband when our daughter was 6 days old). Practice makes perfect and you will soon be able to do it quickly enough but in the beginning they are so wiggly and constantly pulling up their little legs so it’s like changing a worm under water who is fighting for dear life (great imagery right?)
– If you are worried that your daily chores are taking away from spending time with your toddler, involve them! Julia loves to ‘help’ and often folds laundry, puts away the kitchen towels, throws stuff in the garbage and grabs things for us (baby pacifier, remote, tissue). There are no child labour laws against putting your own child to work around the house. Parking the car and mowing the lawn are unacceptable examples of ‘involving’ your toddlers- c’mon!
– Try and take as many photos/videos/time to scrap book for your second as you did for your first (I am awful at this and trying my best to be equitable).
– Use your maternity/paternity leave to learn something new. With my first, I learned how to knit. This time I am aiming to learn how to cook (I know I am not very domesticated).
– Try not to Facebook/message/tweet/e-mail people at 4 am because you are up and feeding the baby. It is alarming and disturbing to everyone else who is not a new mom 🙂
– Last but not least, do spend time reading my blogs, adding me, following me, liking me and messaging me because I need every ounce of encouragement to continue blogging between the two kids, a business, hobbies and trying to apply all my great advice!
Until next time,
Smartignani
23 Aug 2013
by smartignani
in Motherhood, Uncategorized
Tags: Babies, celebrate, childbirth, childhood, childhood development, children, dad, dads, daughter, development, families, Family, father, fatherhood, humour, kids, life, mom, moms, mother, motherhood, Parenting, parents, Pegnancy, pregnancy, toddlers
3.5 more weeks and counting. To be honest, I am so heavy and so uncomfortable, I am just about ready to let loose and push with or without contractions. There are nights where I think I am going into early labour then there are times when I know I am just wishfully thinking.
The last month is the most painful. It feels like forever ago that I shared my secret joy of another human being harvested in my belly with my spouse and wondered days and nights if my daughter who is only two will accept the fact that a sibling will share the spotlight. It feels like an eon ago when I anticipated the arrival of my first-born and now two years later, I am anticipating the arrival of my second.
We didn’t find out the gender. We just pray that it is healthy. I pray that it comes out. Soon.
Anyway, I think that much of the anticipation this time is centred on how will the baby look because quite honestly the first one looked just like my husband. I am hoping this one takes some of my dark hair and features but you know what – who cares…. as long as it comes OUT soon, I don’t care what it looks like really.
The other day I pushed myself off the bed to get up and go to the washroom and actually felt the baby shifting in my belly as if it is swimming from one side of the belly to the other. Just like people on the Titanic when the boat was sinking and they were clinging to dear life on one side of the ship. It was a comical visual until the baby kicked me so hard I had to do a super wobble to the washroom in order to avoid making a mess. Yes, I feel like the Titanic in size and stature.
I feel slow. I forget things. I am not really focussed. I fall asleep sporadically and at random times. I lost my toes. I think my nose is inflating to the point that I can’t see past it when I look down at my enormous tatas. I am uncomfortable sitting. I am uncomfortable standing. I am uncomfortable lying down. I am moody and sad. What did you just say? I am fine. I am happy, see? I am heartburning-stomachurning-forwardleaning-backpaining ALL THE TIME and worst of all, as aforementioned, I STILL HAVE 3.5 WEEKS LEFT….
I am also getting some wicked cravings. Root Beer floats, pistachios, Feta cheese, watermelon and that was just last night. Today it was Pizza Hut, garlic shrimp and Skittles (preferably together). Last week, no word of a lie, I was craving Cream Soda, blue cheese and red velvet cake. I am sick…help me!
I wake up in the morning thinking about food. I drive to work and think about going home and napping. I nap thinking about eating and eat thinking about napping – how am I supposed to have time to DO ANYTHING ELSE??
My poor husband must think I am nuts sometimes. He is so patient and kind but even I, looking from the outside in, think to myself “Who is this witch and why is she so mean all the time? What is her issue?”
I will tell me what my issue is… I am ripe.
Cooked.
Done.
I am ready for this baby to be picked, plucked, groomed and passed into my loving arms.
I want this wait and unnecessary painful stage to end. In a good way. I am praying that soon my body will catch up with my brain and say enough is enough, I am just too little to handle all this weight and all this action.
My fetus is practicing black belt karate in there. I swear there are nights where I think there is some sort of soccer game going on in the depths of my belly. Whatever it is, I know that it better be an athlete or dancer after all that action!
I think this is enough complaining for now but I do have one thing to say- if you approach me to tell me that you think I am adorable because I am huge- save the comment to yourself and “No” you cannot touch my belly and yes I am almost there and no we don’t know the gender and yes this is my second and of course we are excited and no- YOU ARE NOT JEALOUS because you have a sleek glass of wine in your right elegant hand which I would gladly guzzle down if I wasn’t carrying precious cargo. Got it?
I hope I will be able to blog again before Jellybean is born but if I don’t because it decides to come early then… HAPPY HAPPY JOY JOY…
Keep me in your thoughts.
SMartignani
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My three babies are not babies anymore! Look how much they’ve grown!
smartignani 