Judgement and Consequence

30 Aug 2016 Leave a comment

by smartignani in Babies, Changes, Childcare, Children, Development, education, Family, Fatherhood, Goals, Growing up, Kindergarten, Life, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Potty Training, Reflection, Tantrums, Toddlers, Transitions Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

I wanted to write this for a while but I don’t think I have enough hours in the day. With three active children under the age of 5, I am like a feather caught in a whirlwind torpedo of activities: potty training, teething, tantrums, tucking in, tickling, travelling and tumultuous transformations.  But I am still holding it together… I think.

I am sure oKasketaldi_haurra_001ther parents can see the wild look in my eyes because I haven’t slept in 6 years or the suspicious glances flicked at me because each of my children including the baby have a bump or scratch (all self-inflicted, I assure you). I am positive that other moms are looking at the way my 5-year-old crosses her arms and stomps and yells “NO! Mommy- I don’t want that!” and thinking that she is spoiled and lacking in discipline. Or shaking their heads when my almost 3-year-old decides to pick her nose and eat it (gross, right?) because we don’t correct her (which we do every time) and that she will forever be a perpetual proboscis picker.

Here is the thing… I don’t really care about what others are thinking or feeling or perceiving or believing. My world is centred on my children whom I know intimately since the moment of their first wail into the world.

I was at the mall the other day and in the little play area and I saw a mother struggling with her toddler while trying to jiggle her baby on her shoulder. She was getting so frustrated and her cheeks were flushed and her baby was getting quite stirred (literally and figuratively) because she was over-jiggling. The two moms next to me were talking about this particular poor soul and saying the following:

Lady 1: “Oh my, that little girl is NOT happy!”

Lady 2: “Mom needs to get a handle on her before X (her own toddler) sees that behaviour and starts to copy it!”

Lady 1: “Some people just don’t know how to control their kids! It’s because she decided to have a baby, the little girl is probably needing attention”

Lady 2: “Exactly! This is why I am spacing mine apart. Exactly for that reason”

At this point, I had enough. I huffed really audibly as I stood up and I spared them one sneer and a quick “You are far from perfect yourselves ladies!” and then I confidently and quickly approached the mom of the melting down toddler and shaken baby and softly said:

“It’s ok, mine do the same thing. My 2-year-old is in there playing happily, for now, can I offer you a hand? I have a baby too but he is sound asleep, would you like me to carry your little angel while you deal with your baby girl?”

The relief that washed over the mother was indescribable. She hesitated for about one second then she gave me her baby. I stood there making googly eyes at the baby and she calmed down and started to give me the sweetest smiles. I was singing her silly songs and dancing with her while her mom was dealing with her sister. The lady told her 2-year-old that she will get some Skittles if she just calms down and tells her what is wrong using her big girl words (we do the same). The toddler stood up and in between bouts of tears and noisy, wet sobs proclaimed, “I pooh”. Profound declaration but adequate explanation of her crappy disposition (pun intended).

Mom told her that it will be ok and that she will change her. Toddler hugged her and looked up and me. I smiled and I handed the baby back to mommy informing her that she will have to change two poopy diapers and that I know exactly what that is like too. She took the baby and the toddler and went to the family washroom. I walked back to the main benches where judgy lady 1 & 2 are sitting and I wedge myself right next to them. My daughter is standing aside as one of their sons shoves another child off the climbing thingy. Lady 2 who was afraid of the toddler’s behaviour affecting her angelic son turns to her friends and says “He is so assertive- isn’t that cute?”

Wow. Perceptions.

I turn to her and gently respond:

“That is not being assertive, that is called being aggressive. Assertive is standing up for yourself and giving your opinion but what he is doing is pushing and shoving other children out of his way. That is being aggressive. So is judging a mom who is in the middle of a toddler meltdown. You should really stop and look at your house made of glass before you start throwing rocks!”

Yup. That happened. True story. I did say all that.

I expected a fight. I expected cursing. I even expected her to punch me in the face.

Instead, I got a teary and ashamed lady who quietly said “You are right. He is a little terror and I don’t know what to do with him? What should I do? He is our only child and I am having a terrible time bearing another child. I am scared that he will be the only child and that he will become a bully. I was bullied in school by a boy. I don’t want my son to be that way.”

Ah, what? What just happened? This, I did not expect.

I proceeded to spend the next hour with this lady and her friend who felt equally ashamed and mom of toddler and baby at the special play place at the mall. After the apologies and the brief discussion about how we should be kind to one another and stop the judging because we ALL need help, we started discussing strategies and parenting tricks that worked for each of us.

My toddler and the baby got tired and hungry and wanted to leave but I certainly did not. We agreed to meet again soon and we even exchanged contact information. We went from being four strangers waiting on their kids to play to four friends who joined the same Mommy Facebook Group.

It was super cool and I even got to hold the little ray of sunshine baby girl again while the lady I helped held my baby boy. All around awesomeness.

Moral of the story:

STOP judging other moms. Get off your butt and help. You are not perfect. Your children are far from perfect as well. The only perfection is founded in our humanity. So like Ellen DeGeneres says “Be kind to one another”.

Love,

SMartignani

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Random mommy stuff…

16 Jun 2016 Leave a comment

by smartignani in Babies, Changes, Children, Development, Family, Fatherhood, Growing up, Kindergarten, Life, Maternity LEave, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Reflection, school, Toddlers, Transitions, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

20160512_100159Some days I feel really accomplished and others…not so much. I have really enjoyed this maternity leave particularly because it is my last. It also helps that I sold my businesses so I am free to enjoy motherhood to the fullest extent.

Of course, there was that stint of anxiety and bout of despair when my mom was dying in the ICU (she recovered thank God) and since then, without fail, one of my three kids has been vitally ill on any given day. But overall, I am doing more enjoying than fretting and that is an accomplishment.

My life has drastically evolved since the third child. Ok, who am I kidding? It has been revolutionized. I feel like chaos can really be a way of life now. I sit back sometimes and I just laugh at the absurdity of everything. For example, last week on a Saturday, my eldest accidentally head-butted the baby which caused a stream of tears and a very angry cry while my toddler ran face-first into the wall and ended up with a bloody nose – all at the same time. This all happened in the blink of an eye. Everyone was crying. I was laughing hysterically, like an evil scientist who openly relishes the sound of children’s cries. Sometimes to ensure your sanity- you just have to laugh at it all. Everyone was fine and with some tissue paper for the bloody nose, a few cuddles and tickles for the head-butt injury and a gentle “It’s ok honey, it was an accident” – everyone was fine.

I wanted to take a minute and just say this… am I the only one who feels like I am back in high-school and trying to fit in when I go pick up my daughter from kindergarten? Parents can be really clique-ish- no? I was waiting outside today and I looked over to find two moms talking quietly. I waved and said “Hello” and it was an audible “Hello” not one of these mousey, shy “Hellos” – know what I mean? Anyway, one mom just gave me this contrived smile and the other ignored me altogether. Wow. Maybe I’m just not cool enough to talk to them. Maybe they are hating my new hairdo. Maybe I offended them with my strong and confident “Hello”… I don’t know. All I know is, I have a choice not to get too obsessed in wanting to be accepted because at my age- I don’t care what others think of me. I know that makes me sound awful but truly- if you are going to judge me and not even get to know me then it’s your loss- not mine. Because I honestly think I’m a pretty awesome person! There. Take that. On to more important things…

I am on a mission to shed the pounds I gained in my three pregnancies. I gained quite a few pounds so it’s taking a while. I’m close to starving all the time but I am too scared to stop because the doctor almost guaranteed Diabetes if I don’t shed the weight. I find it easier to remain on course when I think about my kids. I want to be there for their graduations, weddings, and maybe even for their own kids. I don’t want to be the old, fat mom who looks 20 years older than she really is. What will the clique-ish Lululemon moms at the school think of me and my fat “hellos” then- huh?

My eldest daughter is taking oral laxatives behind my back. I swear the kid never shuts up. I love it but I hate it at the same time. She’s so interesting and everything she says is adorable but when I’m trying to actually get her moving, it’s next to impossible. She is not a multi-tasker. She was gifted with the gift of gab. I can’t believe how much she talks. And here I was wondering if her language skills will develop because she wasn’t really speaking by the age of 2.5. Really? I shouldn’t have worried. I am hoping my middle daughter will NOT learn to speak until she’s 5. That way, I won’t have competing trance-talking going on. It’s too funny. I can tune her out and she will just keep on talking and yakking. Then she will stop sometimes and ask “Right Mama?” but I have to be careful. What am I agreeing to? So I say “Which part is right?” See? Sneaky, smart, strategic momma is at play here. I mentally pat myself on the back when she replies by reiterating the last phrase that needed confirmation. I’m in the clear. I  will either agree or correct her thoughts and then the droning will begin again. Sometimes, I drift away in my mind about my to-do list or a recent commercial I saw or how I need to cut the baby’s toenails because he is quite literally growing them out like some gross racoon paws and then I suddenly hear her say something like… “And then I’m like CRAP DUDE, why are you being such a donut and he says because you are short like a hobbit and I’m like I don’t even know what a hobbit is and then I walk away but my shorts are dirty because of the grass on my butt. Butt is a funny word. Did you know another word for butt is ash. Today I heard this big kid call his brother an ash-hole. That’s funny- right momma?”

Me: “No Sweetheart, Ash is not a nice word and it’s not funny. That boy should not talk to his brother like that. God wants us to be kind to one another and not call each other names”.

Her: “So how come daddy calls me a Hoggler and my sister a Donut and my baby brother Stinky?”

Me: “Daddy is just joking with you and none of those names are rude.”

Her: “Ok. Any way so today in school I….”

And on and on and on and on and on. Phew, close one. Note to self- talk to the hubby. Tell him the story- and laugh about it later!

My middle kid is temperamental, defiant and intelligent. Every trait she picked up from me. I’m not ashamed to admit the truth. She looks like me, she yells like me and most of all, she’s got this low, manly laugh like me! When I was younger, I would answer the phone and my voice was so deep, people would think they are talking to my dad. So it’s either my poppa sounds like a woman or I had the deep, vibrato voice of a man. Until now, when I wake up and try to talk, I sound like my husband. It’s ok, I’ve come to terms with this quirky attribute. Let’s leave it there. Maybe that’s why the moms at her school won’t talk to me? I must be confusing them with my manly, confident “Hello”. Oh well…

The baby is the best. He’s like a good book, I can’t put him down. Lately, my favourite thing to do in the entire world (which is hyperbolic at best since it’s not but let’s go with it) is making him giggle. Is there a better sound in this universe than a baby’s heart-felt giggle? If you say yes, then you are heartless or need to go get yourself a baby and make him giggle. Don’t hate- appreciate. Besides, I have to blow on his belly and tickle his feet then motorboat his neck in order to get the full-on giggle that can be heard down the street. It’s so much work, I end up sweating and only catching glimpses of his enormous, blissful, drooling open mouth and eyes that sparkle with laughter as well. The thing is, when you tickle a baby, you have to do it quickly and consecutively.They have such short attention spans that they will literally forget you were playing with them and just move on from said activity. Then you are left saying things like “Hello” and having them not respond to you… ahem ahem…like some people!!

Finally, I would like to state my horror at how sick the world is today. I’m not going to dig too deep or go into many details but suffice it to say, I’m afraid for my children’s futures. Pedophiles, mass shootings, addictions, mental unhealth, impoverished moralities, victimized abusers, and an endless cycle of evil begetting evil. I’m sure that such things existed since the beginning of time but everyday I wake up and there is another stark reminder that our world is sick. I am sure that everything bad is known much quicker because of social media and sometimes, one  just can not turn it off. I often wonder why people post all those negative things on their wall. Why not use your power to influence the friends on your list with positivism. We need more love – people. More acceptance and forgiveness. We need to set an example to our children. We need to show kindness and openness. We all bleed red. We all need to be accepted.

Except me and those moms. I’m over it. Really. Done and done.

Good night and God bless. And like Ellen always says- “Be kind to one another”.

Smartignani

When did that happen?!

06 Mar 2014 Leave a comment

by smartignani in Babies, Changes, Childbirth, Childcare, Children, Daycare, Development, Family, Fatherhood, Growing up, Holidays, Home Daycare, Maternity LEave, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Potty Training, Toddlers, Transitions Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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There is nothing more painful or exhilarating than successfully potty training your child. You feel like you won an Oscar or climbed the highest mountain. The sense of achievement you felt the day you graduated or obtained your first real promotion is no comparison… as if you did this all on your own. Then the stark realization smacks you upside the head that this is what your parents must have felt like when you did something great growing up.

I don’t think I can be a prouder mommy than when my little toddler goes – “Mommy, I nee’ to Pee pee now”. We rush over to the toilet, we pull down the pants and then… the sweet sound of freedom- aaahhhh. No more pull-ups, stinky messes, nasty blow-outs or wet pants. Sooooooooo exciting!!

I look at my toddler and see the little preschooler emerging and ask – “When did that happen?!” – hence the title. But seriously, when did she start talking in complete sentences? When did she start empathizing with me (“Awww, mommy, you are so cute- are you hurt?”) When did she turn into this inquisitive, intelligent, insanely happy child?

These past few months have been challenging but fun. I have been busy trying to re-energize my business and manage my staff that I forgot to see the little changes in my big girl along the way. This morning she woke me up a little earlier and I spoke with her and played with her. She surprised me with how much she’d grown in the past three weeks. She knows which mitt goes where. She can put her boots on the right feet on her own. She understands that letters makes sounds. She know how to sing “A,B,C,D,E,F,G, next time sing, A,B,C,D,E,F,G” (and repeat) and she counted to 20!

I am in awe of how like her father she is becoming. It is really a good thing I love him so much because she reminds me so much of him. Her mannerisms, her thoughtful moments, her sweet affection and even her expressions. No surprise since she spends majority of her time with him instead of me.

I must confess that I am also tremendously enjoying my baby too. She shows me affection in her own way. She likes to be held at night and to sleep in my arms. Sure, it makes it tough for daddy to put her to bed when he is alone with her, but there is no stronger bond and no better feeling that having her fall almost instantly asleep when I carry her and rock her. She likes to hear me whisper to her and sometimes she just strokes me with her little, tiny fist. I feel especially blessed in those moments.

In the mornings, she is the happiest little baby I know. She just plays and rocks herself and flaps her little arms like wings. Her smiles and giggles are so contagious that she just subliminally compels me to pick her up so we can snuggle and play. Her demeanor is so different than her big sister. Her moods are so much milder and she is patient, calm and very stubborn!

I love them both 100% but differently. I can’t live without either of them and I am just so full of emotion when I see either of them hit a milestone or learn something new.

Between the one baby rolling and the other one peeing in the toilet, I feel like my heart can just burst with pride right now.

Until next time,

SMartignani

Perks of Parenting

14 Jan 2014 1 Comment

by smartignani in Babies, Changes, Childbirth, Childcare, Children, Daycare, Development, Family, Fatherhood, Growing up, Maternity LEave, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Potty Training, Toddlers, Transitions, Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

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Here is the thing. The truth is being a parent is not all that bad. There is a silver lining to the sleepless nights, the irritating whining, the endless crying, the anxiety, the nasty poops and the interminable temper tantrums. I will not even mention the incessant screaming, embarrassing sounds and scents or the countless hours spent coaxing, rubbing, carrying, bouncing, singing, humming, gurgling, rasberrying, silly face making to appease/please/calm/restore/distract/heal/put to sleep/make’em laugh/discipline/show them you love them.

Where was I going with this? Oh yeah, the silver lining. Ok. So here is a list of some silly things you get to do as a parent that you could not do before (at least in public):

1) Your cartoon movie collection has now exponentially increased and surprisingly you stocked it with some classic movies that we all know junior will not even understand yet (Transformers? Voltron? Pink Panther? Felix the Cat? really??)

2) You have come to terms with the difference between what “messy” looked like before you had kids and now. A toy here or there and a book lying around your nice living room (where you greet guests) is not messy at all. As opposed to pre-children when you would dust, clean, mop and vacuum. Now we are lucky if we don’t trip over the tiny wind up car left on the floor by the stairs… there it is, I was looking for you car.

3) You realize now that naps are not a luxury but a necessity…for you. Not the kids.

4) Farting in public is so much easier now that you can blame it on the children!

5) Spit-up does not smell very bad after a couple of hours. It has a natural baby-je-ne-se-quoi scent to it that makes people lean in closer and nuzzle you.

6) Baby powder ain’t just for kids… fun fun fun for the whole family! We find remnants of that stuff in every orifice of the house afterwards!

7)  You don’t really need to hang out with anyone you don’t want to hang out with for extended periods of time because junior is going to get hungry/tired/manic/restless/sleepy/gassy/thirsty/sick… you decide on the excuse because we all know that is exactly what it is.

8) You realize that your true friends are the ones who will love you and your kids even through the stage of TEETHING when your child turns into Dr. Jekyll.

9) Moms, you look at yourselves in the mirror and feel good about how thin you are compared to when you were pregnant… the little hanging fold of skin is superficial. Bio Oil makes it disappear, trust Dr. Oz!

10) You never appreciated being alone with your spouse/friends more than when you can drop the kids off at the grandparents/baby-sitters and go out finally… there is an adrenaline rush that occurs accompanied by feelings of euphoria for the temporary freedom. Seriously though, you love your kids but everyone needs a little break dude.

11) You have an excuse to get to Church a little late… and leave a little early… and eat those yummy sandwiches first.

12) You develop a new appreciation for left-over, pre-digested food and candy and juices of all kind. Everywhere you go, you seem to be finishing your child’s plate/drink/sandwich

13) You have made up the words to at least three nursery rhymes/Christmas Carols/Songs/Hymns… like seriously… who knows all the words to Frosty the Snowman?

14) You are getting to be a master at skipping pages in a long storybook without your child noticing…

15) you are memorizing by heart all the words to Dr. Seuss books

16) You are definitely checking the time every 15 minutes when you get close to bed-time and you are secretly planning what you will do in the two hours from 8 pm to 10 pm after the kids sleep. So many exciting things to do, shall I knit or take a bath or cook tomorrow’s meal or catch up on the last episode of Big Bang or just, oh look its already 10 pm and zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

17) You most likely have your phone ringers off after a certain time as to not awake the kids so you really don’t talk on the phone much.

18) You recognize now how vital daycare is…no matter the cost… we will stop eating if it means 8 hours of peace and quiet!

19) You find yourself wondering the weirdest things before you go to sleep like why is the alphabet song is the same tune as twinkle, twinkle little star and who invented Sophie the Giraffe and why on earth you didn’t…zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

20) After a crappy day doing whatever it is you do, NOTHING and I mean NOTHING is better than getting a huge, sloppy, wet kiss from your kids or a genuine smile from your infant.

Beene daddy hug cr2

If that’s not the silver lining, I don’t know what is!!

Until next time,

Smartignani

Choosing a Daycare- helpful advice for residents in Ontario, Canada

01 Jan 2014 Leave a comment

by smartignani in Babies, Changes, Childbirth, Childcare, Children, Daycare, Development, Family, Fatherhood, Growing up, Holidays, Home Daycare, Maternity LEave, Moms, Motherhood, Parenting, Toddlers, Transitions Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , , ,

imagesI graduated from Early Childhood Education and I went on to Teacher’s College. I worked in several different daycares and since then, I have accumulated some knowledge in this area. So here is my list to help you when searching for the right place to leave your child.

Before I begin, I want to remind you that this is a very serious decision and it is often underscored or underestimated. Just think you are leaving your child at this other place for majority of the day. The daycare will be the main caregiver because their hours will outlast yours. So when you decide to hand your child over, you must know that this is a commitment of at least three years. Think of all the changes that take place in our life cycle between the ages of one and three; everything from potty training to emergence of self and cognitive pre-speech development. Most parents need to start thinking about childcare even before the child turns three months. For the really good places, there is usually at least one year waiting list. Start early in your research because this is one of the most important decisions that will affect your child’s earliest development and shape their formative years.

I am splitting this article in three distinct sections: Preparation, Processes and Payments.

 Section 1: Preparation

You will undoubtedly do a considerable amount of research in order to find the right daycare. Equip yourself with basic knowledge about what you are looking for and educate yourself with questions to further decipher whether it is a good fit. Ask yourself:

1)      Will I need full-time or part-time care?

2)       Do I want to send my baby or babies to someone’s home instead of a big centre?

3)       Do I need to see routines and activity plans?

4)      Am I looking for a formal setting with a licensed outdoor/indoor space?

5)       Is it more important for the daycare to be close to my home or work grandparent’s home?

6)      Is it important that the daycare has insurance coverage?

 Section 2: Processes

Please know that there are laws that govern childcare but they are not as extensive as the laws that govern the public school system. These laws are encapsulated in the Day Nursery Act (DNA) and you can access all the minimal conditions for licensing online. Inspectors ONLY inspect daycares that apply for licenses through the government. There are many daycares operating without a license and that is not necessarily a bad thing. Just like everything else, there are positives and negatives to a home daycare versus a formal childcare centres. However, the main three differences are the ratio of caregivers to children, the price and obviously the environment. I will split the next few questions you should ask while touring a potential childcare in two- Formal versus Informal (home daycares).

 Formal Childcare Centre:

1)      Are all the caregivers Registered Early Childhood Educators (RECE)?

2)      Is your outdoor space inspected annually or every 5 years?

3)      How often do you sanitize toys? (should be at least four times a week in infant room and twice a week in toddler room)

 Informal Daycare:

1)      What is your ratio? (Should be one adult to five full-time children- if there are two adults there should STILL only be five children because laws stipulate that it is the ratio set for the SPACE not the number of caregivers, many use this as a loophole but it really is not meant to be misinterpreted)

2)      Is there a separate dedicated space for food preparation? Naps? Toilet training? Outdoor play? Indoor play?

3)      What is the qualification of the caregiver?

4)      What happens when they are sick and unable to care for your child?

5)      Do they allow the children to watch TV? (that should be a “no no”)

6)      Do they accept cash discounts? Offer receipts?

*Please note that childcare payments are tax deductible.  (Do your math, because discounts gained on cash payments may not outweigh the benefit of the tax deduction)

All Daycares (observations and questions):

1)      What is their stance on discipline? On Soothers?  On Christian Holidays like Christmas and Easter? (You will need to continue whatever they teach at daycare to maintain consistency and ensure optimal results so you better be on board)

2)      How do they potty train the children? (In the potty or on the toilet or both)

3)      Do they take the kids outside every day? When do they NOT go outside? (Research shows that infants and toddlers should NOT be outside for longer than 15 minutes at a time in below zero weather. It is not good for their tiny frames no matter how covered up they are!)

4)      Are they able to keep a daily journal to keep you apprised of bowel movements, eating patterns, general behaviour and newly acquired skills and developmental milestones?

5)      Are they able to take photos throughout the day for you so you can keep them for memories?

6)      Can you log in and access the childcare surveillance equipment to “check-up” on your child? (I have mixed feelings about this because if you can log-in, imagine all the sick hackers out there that can also hijack the system and watch your child).

7)      How do they reinforce self-esteem and confidence? How do they teach children to be independent without being too detached?

8)      How do they teach children speech? Reading? Writing? Cognition? Self-feeding? Self-dressing?

9)      Is the space neat, age-appropriate, stimulating? Are there clear sightlines for the caregivers to see the children at all times?

10)   What are the policies on Disease control? Lice and other Contagions?

Payment:

1)      Always get a sibling discount if you have more than one child. What is the discount if you pay upfront for the entire year?

2)      Always ask how much it will cost if your child is unable to attend or is sick or has appointments? How much is it if you are late to pick up? Which stat holidays do they open/close? Will you pay if you book a vacation?

3)      Read the contract carefully, like anything else, this is a major investment but instead of money on the line, it is your own precious flesh and blood.

Just so you know, home daycares range from $750 to $1000 per month while formal childcare centres range from $1000 to $1500 a month for infants – be weary of the overly expensive centres that have a “unique” rationale for being too expensive. Honestly, not worth your time because children learn fast and more if the caregiver is loving and attentive than if the daycare is made of gold and gimmicks.

E-mail me if you have questions I have not covered – sylviamartignani@gmail.com

Until next time,

@Smartignani

 


What is happening?

27 Jun 2013 1 Comment

by smartignani in Uncategorized Tags: , , , , , , , , , ,

ImageI used to say “Stop” or “Come Here” or “Sit please” and she would listen but now… not so much.

She screams, shakes her little fists, bangs on the table, points to the door and yells “Go!” or simply looks me straight in the eyes and says “No!”

Half the time I feel the need to smack her for being belligerent and the other half I can’t help bursting into a fit of laughter. She is not even two and already thinks she knows her mind. Mind you, I am an educated mom… in fact, I have my Early Childhood Education Diploma, a BA Honours in Psychology and a Bachelor of Education. I spent the first 18 years of my career caring for children and giving parents advice on how to raise and nurture their children. So I find it strangely ironic that I am now a mom who is finding it hard to discipline my own child. I know that she is spoiled sometimes. I hate to refuse her when she wants the simple things. Maybe we are giving her mixed messages and she needs more consistency? For example, sometimes when she runs away in a grocery store, her dad chases after her and makes her giggle with joy and anticipation. Now, whenever we go to any store and she asks to “Walk”, she sets off on an amazingly fast and agile sprint to hide from us. This is extremely dangerous and she is fearless. One time she ran outside into the parking lot and thank God for my hubby who is fit and fast!

I know that I should be more stern with her. I can’t even get her to stay in a time-out like her daddy does. She listens to him and just sits crying in the corner of our couch. With me, she chatters away and says things like “Mama, luff you, kiss, sit, yes, up, yes, walk, yes” then she gets up and comes over to hug me. I melt when she smiles at me and I think that I am the biggest sucker as I read what I am writing.

I just have to come to terms with knowing that I can’t be perfect at everything. I also need to acknowledge the fact that she needs a good hand slap once in a while when she does something bad or dangerous, I just prefer my husband does it instead of me.

However, daddy travels in July and I am worried to be by myself with my little angel. Can you imagine? I don’t think we will be going anywhere since it is becoming increasingly difficult to carry her (I am almost 7 months pregnant now) and she kicks like a professional soccer player!

I will just have to swallow the big lump of “love” and just be strong. Funny how I have fired people, had several serious confrontations, experienced break-ups and grieved deaths in my life but this… this one thing called “Discipline” is becoming one of the biggest challenges…

I know, I know… wait until she’s thirteen. I know. I was an awful teenager but you know what, I just want to enjoy the affection she pours on me when she wants something. I guess putting on her favourite cartoon for a while or staying up a bit longer to read a book aren’t the biggest problems in the world. I want to choose my battles wisely and with her in particular, I would rather spend my time holding her than battling anyway.

If you have advice on what worked for you in the discipline department, please do share your strategies…

Until then,

SMartignani

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