It’s meant to be…

BabyThere is something surreal about having babies. It’s magical and terrifying at the same time. Even if you already have children, being told you are pregnant again rouses feelings of anxiety and elation simultaneously. As we expect our third, both husband and I are wondering if we are ready for it. God takes care of all these matters (in my opinion) and with our many blessings in life, we know that this child will not go hungry or thirsty but will we have the time to love it like we did the other two? With the three of them get along or will one of them feel left out and isolated?

In our journey so far with an almost kindergartner and a toddler, we have realized that having multiple kids is not without its challenges. Yes, it is beautiful to see siblings play together and make each other laugh but it is horrendous when jealousy rears its ugly head. Many parents of three kids are telling us – “Once you have two, a third is easy”. For some reason, I really do not think that is true. There are only two parents and two sets of hands, what do we do if we, let’s say, we go to Toys ‘R’ Us and they disperse in different directions… how do I choose who to chase down?

I know it may seem shallow and idiotic┬áto think this way but this is a real concern of mine! What happens if one of the kids feel like they are left out? Or less loved? How can my husband and I ensure equity of treatment, of love and of discipline? Wait… I have two girls, what if this one is a boy?!?!

I don’t think I know how to mother a boy? I am so used to little pink things and high squeaky voices telling me things like “Mommy, I love you” and “I am a princess”.

I guess my anxiety for the future is spilling over because I am more advanced in years as well. It doesn’t help that I am in my late thirties and worried about my health all the time. I want to be a young and fun mommy to my kids but I am finding this to be a tough reality check. I also hope I will be able to lose the weight gained from this last pregnancy.

A woman’s heart is so complex. This is what makes us mothers.

This mother’s day, I wish all my friends, relatives, coworkers and sisters a blessed and happy mother’s day. And for those close friends of mine who are struggling in their pursuit of motherhood, I want to tell you that I pray for you fervently and I wish you success in bearing/adopting/conceiving/fostering a child. My thoughts are with you and my heart prays that your prayers and hopes are fulfilled soon.

Thank you everyone for everything and please feel free to send me your comments!

S.

 

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