smartignani

No. She isn’t walking yet. Simply because she doesn’t want to. I am positive that she can walk unassisted but like she did with crawling- she needs to be DESPERATE before she does it. She is also waiting for two other things she can learn and then we can achieve all three in one day like we did with clapping, crawling and croup. Hopefully the third one this time won’t be as horrible as croup!

So what can I say about my little sunspot? She is almost 14 months old and I still see a newborn- who’s with me? Right? I hold her at night as she tries to wiggle free of my embrace and I silently wish for the days where her little head would nestle deeper into the folds of my post-pregnancy fat. Those days are gone. Her head ain’t so little and I ain’t quite as fat! But yeah… it’s hard. I know that this is just the tip of the iceberg and that there will be years where I wish she was this age but for now I wish she was 3 months. All I worried about then was the next feeding and burping and maybe the spit-up. Now I worry about all plus her “preferences”. She has special toys she likes to play with, special foods she eats and my princess does NOT sleep anywhere but in her crib! Imagine that?!

We tried putting her down for a nap at the grandparents but nooooo way Jose… no sleeping unassisted.

OFF TOPIC- Why do people say that? “Put her down for a nap”, doesn’t it sound eerily similar to “putting down” a pet? Horrible similitude, isn’t it? Let’s stop saying that, shall we? Pinky swear?

Anyhoo… as I was previously ranting- yeah, I wish she was a newborn again. I think I miss the little new discoveries she made with her body parts. Like when she discovered her hand and she made a fist then showed anybody who cared to see over and over and over and over again. Then she discovered her feet and realized she can wiggle her toes and boy did that ever tickle her pink. Then she discovered she can sit up and it was all downhill from there. I really think some innocence is lost when babies begin to sit up and crawl. Discovery becomes curiosity veiled in mischief at that age. From “Look honey, how cute, she discovered her fingers” to “Honey, she discovered the bottom cupboard with the cleaning stuff”. Not quite as cute is it? No.

I think the things I love about this age is her little feisty personality that is all encompassing right now. She shakes her head and says “no” when she doesn’t want something. She also says “ow”, “hi”, “bbye”, woof woof” and Rob (hubby’s name). She says all that but not mama. I don’t get it. Can someone explain why ROB is easy but MAMA is apparently difficult?! I just want her to say mama once and mean it. I thought she said it before then she made eye contact with random people and called them mama too which led me to believe that she is just trying out a new consonant-vowel combo. That sucked. It still makes me a little sad.

However, I am learning very quickly that babies will develop at their own pace. When she’s ready to walk, she will. When she is ready to call me mama, she will. All the while I will stand where I often stand- alongside other loving moms who are at the sidelines cheering their children on. Being a mother is a calling for patience and incredible perseverance. My husband is also amazing with her and his radiant love for her shows consistently in whatever they do together.

On a serious note: for the good daddies out there who are an active member of the children’s lives, I salute you. I can’t imagine what I would do without my husband who not only carries her when my arms are tired, or tends to her when I’m asleep but is a core and equal caregiver to our shared gift from God. Thank you to all the men who have children, adopted children or even mentor others’ children.

Back to me… because somehow that is all I like to write about- ha ha. I am back at work and funny enough, I am really enjoying it. I like knowing my daughter is safe and happy in her home daycare because she never wants to leave when I pick her up- is it me? She is excited when my husband picks her up. Whatever. I won’t dwell on it. Anyhow, I like dressing up in the morning and wearing long earrings. Heck, I like wearing earrings period! Then there is the whole adult conversation and feeling useful and all that. I especially enjoy my breaks and lunches. Whereas before I needed to tend to my own physiological needs when she is napping, I can now enjoy personal time alone and without commitment to anyone except myself. The feeling is a heady mixture of unrestrained freedom with a small ounce of strange guilt. I feel like I am constantly missing something and then I realize it’s the little extension of me that seems to invade my every thought and every emotion. I daydream about her during the day and dream about her at night. This is a sick obsession and I really need to find a hobby!

Until I do, I will wish you a good night and an enjoyable week!

SMartignani