smartignani

That’s how I feel when I don’t get sleep…like a mommy mummy. My daughter is waking up now every night at around 4:00 am. This explains my urgent need and desire to pen yet another blog. Let me know if I am coming at you too hard and too fast with these blogs. I can always slow down the releases to make sure you are reading all of them… in sequence. Your call.

Back to the mummy issue. Wow. There are some things I have realized in the past week or so that I didn’t realize before:

1) It sucks when the baby sleeps through the night for months and months and then decides to suddenly start waking up in the most ungodly hours. It really unbalances your clock and screws with your homeostasis (grade 6 Science- oh yeah) It also feels like a slight betrayal every time- “Grrrrr child, how can you lead me on this way?”

2) When my baby wakes at 4:00 am, it is never slow or subtle. It is loud and violent. As if she is well aware that it is a horrible time to be awake and she not only acknowledges it, she too isn’t happy about it.

3) I hate teething more than fish.

4) I never knew how cold you can get when you leave the warm covers to pick up the baby and stand there rocking back and forth. Then you creep back slowly into your bed and it is astoundingly cold. You have to start the warming process all over- I hate that!

5) My husband can sleep through it.

6) I am constantly finding myself saying “shhhssshhhhssshhh” but I end up making more noise than her and realize that my shushing is what is keeping awake.

7) I am always torn as to whether she needs a bottle to go back to bed but then I worry that she will have to burp, fart and poop and then we will have to change the diaper then she will wake up fully and will want to play- oh gosh, I am reading myself write this and I am realizing how selfish I sound but hey it is true. That is my thought process.

8) How soon is too soon to decide that Tempra or a shot of Whiskey is in order?

9) After she’s asleep, I can still hear her crying in my head as I try to go back to bed.

10) There are 26 more teeth to come (go ahead, stab me now with a blunt object because that is exactly what this painful process is like)

In all seriousness now, and yes the previous part was also serious but this is more serious than the previous serious part-

How can I describe a mother’s pain when her baby is in pain? It’s like a broken rib, every time she cried, it hurt to breathe. I hated holding her little, feverish, aching body in my arms as I try to calm her down with my embrace. In the strongest and most soothing voice I can manage, I try to reassure her that the pain is temporary and that it will desist soon. I hum, rock and bounce as feverishly as her heated forehead. I administer medicine and pray with my eyes closed and head placed gently atop hers. I place her in my arms, stomach to stomach and cover us with a blanket so she can hear my heartbeat and be sure that we beat as one. I remember the days she was a newborn and how she fit in the nook between my shoulder and my neck. I look to see her tiny baby feet extended all the way down and almost touching my thighs when she lies on my belly. I pray that the combination of steady rocking, humming and medicine are working together to give her comfort and relief. My tears mix with hers because ultimately, I have never known what it meant when my mother said “When your baby hurts, you hurt” until now. She shivers and I feel it in my core. She gnaws on my shoulder and I feel the blinding pain of the tooth impaling my gums, she whimpers and I feel the twists in my gut as surely as my own pain. I convulse with the fever and feel the heat in my jaw. I shake with the pain and just wish it away over and over and over again. How do people do this repeatedly? How can other moms deal with a sickly baby or one with a special need? I can’t even stand the thought of her teething!

I have never appreciated my own mom until this moment. I never understood the blind and desperate things that mothers do for their children. I under-estimated and lightly mistook the intensity of feelings that are part of just “being” a mom. So I want to take a moment to thank my mother. Who held me when I was in pain and wept when I whimpered. I want to recognize every good mom out there who experiences their baby’s pain and still manages to keep it together. I want to make a special note of recognition to the moms with babies how have special needs and physical differences. I salute your resolve, your patience, your unwavering faith, your unconditional love and your courage. I can’t imagine what it’s like but I am sure glad God created you to take care of those babies in your care. You are heroes and champions. You are the greatest and most accomplished of God’s creations.

I respect all moms who have borne and raised multiple children, single moms and those who have fostered, adopted and inherited children from others.

No matter how you came to be, YOU ARE A MOMMY… and for that I thank and appreciate you.

Smartignani

p.s: Dads, you’re cool too.