smartignani

Ok. So a few things to start:

1) I love numbered points; they bring order to a world of chaos

2) Seriously, I may be writing TOO MANY blogs this week but I have so much to say

3) This may be funny so feel free to laugh

“But I don’t know what to doooooooooo” I whined to my husband.

A little background: I am due back at work after a year off maternity leave in mid-July when my baby turns one. I don’t know if I should go back to work (with no hope of promotion anytime soon), find a different job close to home, waitress, open a home daycare, tutor on the side, give up altogether and just go on welfare… those are not all serious options but you get my drift. I don’t know what to do in mid-July. It will cost lots of money for daycare, gas and parking to go back to my current job which has sweet benefits and excellent perks but I am now a mother and thinking first of my baby who is growing up way TOO FAST and she needs me and I JUST DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO (I am now whining to you, the reader).

So just a little more background to those of you who don’t know me… I am the kind of person who sits there in the McDonalds drive-thru (is that how you spell ‘thru’? Looks odd) anyway, and I hum and haw over what I want EVERY SINGLE TIME, even though I order the same thing EVERYTIME! I know what you’re thinking- “She eats at McDonalds? Who does that?” and I reply “Have you ever noticed how people sneak McDonald’s into their lives now? It’s like they would rather admit to being alcoholics before admitting that they indulged in a Big Mac and fries?” Has our society really become so extremely health conscious that the Golden Arch became a symbol of obesity and mockery? Really? I know what you’re thinking- again. What does that have to with a background about me?

I will tell you… yes I do.

I am a really creative thinker who tries to keep up with everyone else but my focus shifts slightly every few seconds. It is hard to think about the same thing for a long period of time because I get really tired or distracted. There is so much to think about and so little time. So I try to go for equity and think about everything a little bit at a time. That way other things don’t get jealous that I didn’t think about them. See? I told you that I will tell and now I did.

On to more about moi. I am just so sad because my baby is getting so big. Every morning I wake up and come to her crib she seems to expand. Overnight. I am not kidding. Dead serious. I’m scared to blink or sleep for that matter (I’m not really sleeping- see previous post about the mummy). Anyway, I don’t know when she does it. She is growing behind my back. I look away to clean up the trail of soggy cookie she left behind as she attempted to crawl/scootch/back surf and then I look back and she’s an inch taller (I am exaggerating a little but you understand). I need her to just slow down. I am obviously not wishing her to stop growing altogether, just take it down a notch, or two or ten! The older she gets, the older I get and soon she will be taller than me.

More background: I am only 4’10”; she is already half my height. Not really a great achievement for her. I am one inch above a legal little person – just so you have context for that last comment I made.

Back to my weirdly ADD blog post of tonight. I didn’t want to write a super long blog because let’s face it, people have lives and so on and so forth. So I will leave you with a new comical segment called ‘Have you ever noticed…”

Have you ever noticed?

…that babies only try and grab the things they are not supposed to touch despite the fact that their toys are all around them they still reach for the remote control halfway across the ottoman

…that people seem to smile and wave at me in the car after being behind me and thinking that I was waving and playing with them in the rear-view mirror but I was really playing my with my baby

…that half the freakin’ handicapped doors in plazas, restaurants, gyms, malls and arenas DO NOT WORK

…that you can name, if asked, everything your baby ate in the past 72 hours but you have no idea what you had for lunch

…that older moms who take your baby in social gatherings apparently know less than you about taking care of your baby because their kids are old and they must have forgotten so you remind them that she wants to stand/sit/sleep/eat/burp/play even though they already knew that but they are too polite to tell you

…that a glass of wine after the baby is asleep is just not enjoyable because there is a big chance you will have to rise from slumber to attend to your little bundle of misery at 4 am

…that showering daily really takes a back seat compared to making sure the baby’s bag is packed for the next eventful day, cleaning up toys or even bumming in front of the TV

…that you are just itching for your baby to be that perfect age where they can enjoy more things than tummy raspberries and laughing at farting noises you make with your lips

…that we can’t wait for our baby to be mobile then when they start moving we are always wishing for the old days where we can just leave them on the couch and return to find them there a few minutes later

…that someone would invent baby earplugs so they can remain asleep in loud restaurants or at the grandparent’s house when the grandfather clock strikes 12

…that you only start noticing the amount of people with strollers at the mall when you have a baby yourself

…that you smile knowingly and have an intense urge to provide advice and words of encouragement for moms whose babies are younger than yours

Join the insanity…ehem, I mean fun… what are some things YOU can add?? (Threw you for a loop, this blog just got INTERACTIVE! Oh Yeah)

I am waiting for you to join in…