Without sounding wholly ungrateful and extremely rude, I want to thank you for buying my children gifts. I do. I want to tell you that everytime you give something to make my little ones smile, even for a fleeting moment, that you have done something special for me. But please… if you want to buy my children something, remember the following- for my sake and the sake of all the parents out there with young children.
- If it tinkles, jingles, beeps, whistles, toots, squeaks, honks or hisses- please, I urge you from the bottom of my heart, do not buy it! The sounds it makes, initially, may seem bearable to you but those same sounds are repeatedly and incessantly going off in the house even when the children are not playing with the toy. You so much as step near the damn thing and it sets it off. We received one toy that would consistently bark whenever someone was near- and would unfailingly wake up the baby when he was younger. Needless to say, that toy met its maker well before it was due to.
- If it reinforces a gender bias in the extreme- avoid toys that are extreme in any way but especially those that may incorrectly depict femininity and masculinity. I am not talking action figures and superheroes, those are cool and they give them a chance to imagine a plot. I am talking about Barbies, Monster High Dolls, and other unrealistic images of girls and women in the form of fake plastic. Let’s try and avoid teaching our young girls that you must have a tiny waist and be busty to be pretty. Instead, buy them dolls they can take care of like babies with cool accessories. That teaches them responsibility and it’s good for boys or girls. On that note, girls also like Lego, cars, trucks and train sets. It’s not just for boys, it is how you nurture your children.
- If it takes up a considerable amount of space- reconsider please. Parents are quickly running out of room to put their children’s toys away. We almost wish there was a way for our bigger toys to swallow our smaller toys so that there are less toys to clean up because realistically we are the ones cleaning up the toys and not them. Sorry, I ranted. Rant over.
- If it is made up of many smaller pieces– don’t. Just don’t. The girls received a toy that needed a day to be constructed with tunnels and slides then you roll beads everywhere to see them spin and twist through endless mazes. I wasn’t sure which was worse, the lengthy set up or the agonizing pain of accidentally stepping on one of those darn beads. Please, just don’t. I still have not forgiven my brother-in-law for buying the girls Nerf guns. I find those damn nerf bullets in every orifice of their playroom and my entire house!
- If it is cheaply made- then buy a $10 Toys’R’Us or equivalent gift card instead. Truth is, those dollar store toys are dangerous for young children. My 2-year-old was playing with a wand that someone bought him from the dollar store and it broke and the batteries fell out (small circular ones) and I saw him almost putting one of them in his mouth. Another time, my daughter was playing with a ball from the dollar store that had sparkles inside it then it burst suddenly and the smell of chemicals inside it was horrendous. Please don’t waste your money on cheap, easily broken, lead laden toys for the children. A gift card or a bottle of wine for mom and dad would be much more appreciated!
- If it is messy- think of whether you would want my child to play with it in your place. If you will worry that they would get it all over the floors or walls or end up staining your shirt or your bedding, then please do not buy it for our place. Someone bought my kids coloured bubbles once and the grass was stained purple for a week! Please, no markers, no paint, no playdough, no slime, no jelly, no sparkles!!!!!
I didn’t want to be a negative Nelly throughout the whole blog so here are some gifts you SHOULD consider purchasing…in my opinion, that every parent would not mind:
- Gift Card to Children’s Place or equivalent: Because our kids wear the hell out of their clothes and they are in perpetual need of new ones. Their sizes change daily so please don’t chance it and try to buy them something yourself.
- Books: Educational, quiet, colourful, and can be used over and over again. Best of all, they are quiet. Did I mention books were quiet? Shhhhhhh
- Hats, Mittens, Scarves, Gloves: I can’t begin to tell you how appreciative I am every time we are getting ready at the door that we have extra gloves, mitts, hats, scarves and ear muffs. We live in a cold place so we need a seemingly infinite supply of such things. Just saying.
- Gift Cards to McDonald’s or Dairy Queen or somewhere where there is ice-cream: and the gift card comes up again. When you give a family with young children a gift card to a restaurant or treat, you are gifting them with the precious gift of time with their children (I said gift way too many times) but know this- we appreciate it and it gets us out of hiding and into daylight where we will risk taking our little rebellious army and do something together for a change already!!
- A movie or tickets to a movie: Either works because it requires them to sit quietly and just watch something while I try to reconnect the million broken pieces of my life or clean my closet or dust between the stove and the counter. If you can take them to see a movie- even better!
- A subscription to a magazine or children’s club of like this or this or one of these. Chirp magazine or National Geographic for kids are the best! They are fun, educational and quiet. Ahem, best part of that last statement for a parent? Yes. The quiet part.
Sometimes the best gift of all is coming over and sitting on the ground with the children and playing with them or baking cookies with them. They just like to spend time with you. You are the best present of all.
This blog was not only intended for those of you who are seeking to buy toys for your friend’s kids. I am also going to give an honourable mention to a little tradition we call, Loot Bags.
One question- why?
Why are we spending an inordinate amount of time and money on giving away toys and ‘stuff’ to children who were invited to give your child toys for their birthday? I think loot bags is a silly tradition because no one shops for expensive toys for loot bags. We almost always come home with tiny whistles, bubbles, markers/crayons, colouring books and some form of candy or sweets. Please stop this silly tradition. Our kids don’t need to be given something everytime they breathe. You already gave them great food, playtime, and cake. Let’s stop at the cake. Really. Parents- let’s revive something called “Being at the party is a reward all on its own”
So whether you are a “well-meaning” friend or another “mom of an army” like me or “super dad”- please remember that above all else, parents always look at three things to assess the value of a toy and its potential existential duration within the child’s grasp/memory:
1. Safety (watch out for small bits and pieces that can swallowed)
2. Usability (will it last and does it need to last)
3. Educational Value (is it making my child brighter or dumber)
And there you have it. I hope this helps any of you in determining what is a good gift for a child and what is not.
A good rule to remember is “Would I buy that for myself if I was kid and I could see/play/hear/use it everyday?”
Thank you and to all a Merry Christmas and an exceptional 2018!
From me and the Fam to you and yours.
Smartignani
Listen… both moms and dads suffer from guilt all the time when it comes to their kids. Sometimes it is a neurosis that far exceeds what is to be considered normal, wreaking havoc with the psychology of the brain and the dynamics of the family. Sometimes, the impact of puilt is so strong that it begins to fray at the edges of the natural internal joy granted through childbirth.
I know we have all asked ourselves at one point or another these questions: “Do I do enough?” “Are they happy?” “Am I working too much?” “Are they angry because I get angry?” “Are they yelling because I yell?” “Should I have spent more time in the car talking with them than on the phone?” “Am I horrible because they ate McDonald’s three days this week?” “Are my parenting skills destructive?” “Am I too protective?” “Are they developing abnormally because of me?” “Should I have exercised more so they can be healthier?” “Am I horrible if I don’t have technology? “Why are they so selfish- am I spoiling them?” “Did I eat too much when I was pregnant with her?” “Does he have seizures because I can’t stay up all night to watch him breathe?”
truth is, I don’t have it together. My house is full of laundry baskets of clean and folded clothes that need to be put away into drawers, my car needs a deep-cleaning and shampooing to remove the year-old milk stains from the time it exploded in the car and my Master’s Degree is on hold while I try and establish a business with my partner, work full-time and still be a good wife, daughter, mom, sister and friend.
I looked over at my husband who is washing dishes with a satisfied smirk on his face (or he could’ve been excited at the prospect of leaving our madhouse to go to Karate which he loves) and I thought “Yup, we are doing ok!”
they go to school and speak about their hero – YOU. It shows in the sparkle of their eyes and when they fold their hands to pray for you and your health and your continued love for them.
Some of our battles are quite epic! Please tell me I am not alone. My preschooler and my kindergartner share a room and a bunk bed and THEY NEVER WANT TO SLEEP!
LOL.
Calm is from within.
You are so calm my baby and ever so sweet. You are patient and content. You don’t yell unnecessarily and you never cry unless you need to make a point. Your tears are rare and your laughter is sincere and heard often. You are busy, inquisitive, observant, persistent, intelligent and oh so charming. You wave at strangers and smile at everyone. You are loved and adored by anyone who meets you. People of all ages in Church, in the stores, in the airport and everywhere we go are compelled to talk to you and compliment you. Your good nature and unlimited tolerance of your sister’s affections and antics have perfectly summed up our family unit. You completed us from the day you were born.
are gentle with your sisters and strong. You let the middle sister sit on you and roll on you and all you do is laugh. She kisses you so very often and you give her the gummiest smiles. She calls you “her Timtim” and defends you vehemently. She
iercely protects you with every ounce of her little 3-year-old body when someone new tries to touch you or hold you. Your eldest sister can’t stop telling the world about her “cutest brother ever!” She introduces you to everyone and every morning you bring a smile to her face. She comes home and always asks about you and she can’t hide her disappointment when you are asleep. She can’t stop asking you “Do you know how adorable you are? Do you?”
you were cared for and loved. I knew that the nurses were able how to take care of you but it still deeply stung. I woke your father up at 3 am the same day you were born and asked a nurse to bring me a wheelchair so I can come visit you. They were telling me that I need to heal. My wound from the surgery was fresh but I just needed to see you. I wanted you to know that I am here even though I knew you wouldn’t remember. I wanted to pray in gratitude for this gift that God saw me fit for.
wonderful charge and that she loved you already. I was envious of her. I was glad that she was so caring and nurturing but deep inside I felt resentful that you too had been taken away from me. I waited my love for 15 minutes but you did not stir. I knew I needed to rest so I can take care of you when you recover. I went back to my room and I dreamt all night of your sweet scent that would surely surround me when the time came.
It just feels like all I do is change poopy diapers these days. Between the 11-months-old and the 3-year-old who is refusing to potty train, I have poop coming out of an orifice every two hours during the day. Nothing fazes me now. I get poop on my fingers- oh well, we can just wash that off. My baby is literally a poop-machine. He doesn’t eat ONE MEAL without creating a poop-filled diaper. It’s like he’s hollow and it goes right through him- I swear it.
smartignani 