smartignani

I don’t know if it’s the right time for her, for me, for us. I don’t know if she will end up loving the privilege of being a big sister or if she will end up sitting on the baby because it is crying too loudly. She loves her stuffed toys but she also has a tendency to sit on them and squeeze them and throw them down the stairs!

I am feeling blessed to be having another but the fear accompanying the first pregnancy is gripping me again. Oftentimes, people assume that the second pregnancy is easier than the first but the same laundry list of things that can go wrong is still there and I am afraid to have complications again this pregnancy.

Last time I had high blood pressure and a host of other problems. My baby was born small and I had to see her in the NICU for about 5 days before I can bring her home. I am trying my best this time to avoid making the same mistakes including getting a new OB/GYN instead of the old one. I am also eating healthier, taking the stairs and just focussed on my little toddler who needs a lot of love, attention and energy. I am staying positive and I just know that it will be better this time but not easier.

Here is a common fear that is apparently common but not common knowledge. When women have a C-section then they get pregnant again, all the baby weight and bulging belly sit on the existing scar which irritates it and makes it hurt. I would have never known this if the lady at Quizno’s had not shared her story with me. This is why it is important to talk to other moms and this is why I write my blog. Moms around the world need to connect and share with each other the good, the bad and the ugly. This was valuable information for me. She went on to advise me of two ways to deal with the pain; one, buy the back straps that wrap around your belly to take some weight off your lower body and two, buy a huge yoga ball and sit on it instead of a regular chair to spread the weight around while you are working or just relaxing at home. This also stretches your muscles and keeps you relaxed. I will take advice wherever I can get it from whoever wants to give it to me and I will share advice with whoever wants it as well.

Before I sign off, here are some valuable lessons for new and second time mommies like me:

1) Do NOT give in to the guilt trips that others may give you – you do NOT have to nurse if you can’t, you do NOT need to apologize for a screaming baby who is hungry, you do NOT have to apologize for needing some time alone or with your girlfriends, you are NOT a bad mother if you ask the grandparents to babysit while you take a nap/shower/straighten your hair or do your nails.

2) Do follow your maternal instincts: People will tell you that your baby is hungry, or tired, or sick, or fat, or skinny, too red, too pale… listen to your heart. If you feel like there is nothing wrong then you are most likely right! God gave mothers (and dads) the “instincts” necessary to care for their children without previous knowledge, education or others’ advice. You will get to know your baby and recognize their screams, eventually. Until you do, try everything when they cry- feed them, change them, rub them (they might be itchy), or give them Tempra if the crying continues (they may have a headache). Above all, remember- YOU ARE THE PARENT… you DO know best!

3) DO remember this: Sometimes babies cry because they just want to cry, sometimes you will cry because you are frustrated, sometimes you will fight because you disagree and your nerves are frayed, sometimes you will think of the desire to disappear and take a break, sometimes you will sleep four hours and get up frantically thinking your baby must surely have stopped breathing only to realize that they are just deep asleep and you should be too. Sometimes, you will make mistakes or not understand why or when your baby got a rash. Sometimes you don’t have to follow the rules or the doctor’s recommendations. Sometimes you will just need to complain to another mom about how the lack of sleep is killing your appetite or how you cannot manage to lose one pound of the baby weight you gained. In the end, DO NOT FORGET one thing- enjoy your baby and coo over their little hands and feet. Kiss them when they are asleep and get your fill of their scent and feel because before you know it they are almost 21 months old and are little miss independent who doesn’t want me to carry her or hold her or… sorry, tangent.

4) As they grow: It does NOT matter when your baby starts to roll over, or crawl, or walk, or talk or potty train or stop with the pacifier or stop the bottle. It only matters that they are healthy- EVERYTHING WILL HAPPEN IN THEIR OWN TIME. Please do not compare them to children their age, you will drive yourself crazy and maybe drive them crazy too!

5) DO NOT give up: on teaching your baby the alphabet, numbers, a second language, manners, songs, affection, about God or angels, who their family are and what important people do in the world. Don’t give up being a good wife/husband, taking care of yourself, trying to lose the baby weight, dying your gray hair or dressing well. DO not give up on visiting with friends or your volunteer activities. Your children will learn tenacity and perseverance only as you live them.

And that is all the humble advice I can give tonight. Maybe in my next blog, I will go on to explain how this pregnancy is so different than my first and the epic debate my husband and I are having about whether or not to find out the gender of our baby. That is all I am going to say about that for now!

Until next time,

SMartignani