smartignani

It feels like it was just here- CHRISTMAS again?!?! What happened? How did an entire year go by? WHERE WAS I??

–> That was my little angel last year. She could barely sit up, stand up or speak up. She used to spit up, squeak and mostly sleep. I have one question… WHERE DID THAT BABY GO??

I am not sure when it happened but my darling daughter has made the monumental leap into toddlerhood without consulting me or so much as a “How do you do”. Why? Why did she have to grow? Where did all the cute little faces she used to make go? What happened to the three naps a day and what, may I ask, has taken over my child and turned her into a possessed, angry, screaming, yelling, stubborn, alien life-form toddler?

Oh no, she’s kicking and banging her head on the floor… with her back arched and red eyes screaming at me- quick, someone call the doctor, the therapist or the priest- something or someone has overtaken my mild-mannered and quietly genial baby!!

No, really, it’s not that bad. It’s worse!

Now I know what you’re thinking and this is the advice I am receiving from parents who have children older than her- “Nurture her strong personality because it will come in handy when she’s a teenager and when she reaches adulthood”. To that I respond- DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY YEARS I HAVE TO PUT UP WITH, ahem, I mean, NURTURE THAT PERSONALITY? Teenage hood seems like eons from now and quite frankly, I’m not sure if either one of us will make it out alive!

Ok. I may exaggerate a little but 5 minutes of that agonizing and anguished screaming in a decibel of sound that could implode a human’s ear drum seems like 5 years. At some point in the tantrum, dare I call it that, I am willing to give her what she wants, how she wants it and when she wants it just so she can take a breath and CALM DOWN. So I “spoil” her by giving in but really I am sparing the world millions of dollars of therapy for my imminent nervous breakdown. You are welcome world.

So now I am worried about the Christmas Tree. We always start the festive decorations on the first weekend in December. I am not sure why people are beginning to decorate in November and why stores think it is ok to start putting Christmas stuff in August but whatever. This weekend we get to adopt a real tree, name it, maim it and decorate it. We have so many fragile and beautiful ornaments that we collected in 7 years of marriage and now I wonder if any of them will be coming out of their boxes for the next 7 years. Not with distructoid walking around. She can barely prevent herself from breaking her head open with the amount of falls and walks into walls that she does, imagine a handmade, custom blown glass ornament from Rome. Every time I think of what she can do with those ornaments,  I shudder like an English maiden who just saw the unmentionables of an old Earl and which highly offended her sensibilities. What? Yeah. I know. I can be quite weird.

Moving on, it’s that time of year again. I am determined to make it different this year. This season will not be about gifts and naps and massages. Partly because I can’t now with the toddler who is the sole dictator of my household but also because I know the real reason for the season. I am going to focus on the birth of a very special boy who brought peace to earth and good will to men. I am going to focus on family and moments. I am going to take more pictures (I can write an entire blog about the shear madness of my infinite desire to take pictures of my daughter), I am going to blog about what I want to do this year like I just did. There, check.

I haven’t told my friends yet, but for those with children, let’s only buy the gifts for the kids. We are too old for presents and I would much rather an e-card than a gift. Really. There are only so many shower gels and foot lotions that my little 4’10” frame will need. I also want to start a new tradition for everyone in the world- friends, be good friends and buy your friends a gift card.

Against all popular misconceptions, gift cards are AWESOME. Why? They force you to pamper/treat yourself. If someone buys me a gift card to the mall, well then, gosh darn it, I guess I have to shop! If someone buys me a gift card for a restaurant, then woohoo, night off cooking- I can eat out. Even Dollarama has gift cards now- I LOVE DOLLARAMA! So my advice for you and yours this holiday season, don’t overthink it and think that they would think it’s impersonal, they don’t and they won’t- gift cards are absolutely the best thing you can buy close or distant friends. Best part- no wrapping paper necessary and no card necessary either! Save all that money and just add it to the value of the gift card- just saying!

For our daughter we decided we will buy her something small. She is at that stage right now where she’s more interested in ripping the paper and eating the tissue (good source of fibre-yummy!). So we decided we will just buy her something that will entertain her, like everything else, for all of 5.35 seconds then we can donate it because she won’t care for it anymore.

Oh yeah, and what’s up with her fascination to push things on wheels. She pushes her stroller, she pushes her toys and anything that rolls. Quick story- we were in the grocery store the other day and it has become quite the fun and extended trip lately since she loves to run and hide behind stuff and give me multiple cardiac arrests because I can’t find her. Anyway, I’m watching her and trying to find the right pasta for the evening’s meal when suddenly she decides to start pushing this other shopper’s cart who is standing unknowing and unsuspecting shopping for a three-cheese sauce. He looks on and sees his cart seemingly magically floating away. He doesn’t look down, he just turns and looks at me with the most astonished and awe-begotten look on his face as if demanding “Are you seeing this too or have I lost my marbles?” and I did what any of you would do- just admit it- I LAUGHED! Hysterically and informed him that it wasn’t “the force” that was taking the cart, it was the 16 months toddler crouched sneakily low pushing the lowest bar of the cart as if she’s a work mule on a farmer’s field. He had a good laugh too and advised me, jokingly, that next time, he will have to call the cops.

So yeah. She pushes other people’s carts. I know what you are wondering now. Will this blog ever end? Did she buy the pasta? What’s her point? Here are my responses- Yes, No and do you need a nap? You’re getting cranky.

Well. Taking about sleep. I think I will need to rest for tomorrow’s show at 4. I pick her up from daycare and the lady tells me she’s had a great day and that she barely cried. She listens and plays nicely with the other children. She is sweet, curious and happy. The whole time I’m thinking, ummmm, I think my daughter has those laser things from Men in Black that she flashes her daycare provider when I ring the doorbell so she forgets everything. She is all smiles and laughter when we leave and then I put her in the car and SUDDENLY, it’s HYDE.

But I love her still. No matter what- I am grateful for her. Despite the countless times I wish I had a muzzle, I know that she is spunky and loud because the apple doesn’t fall far from the tree… my husband is the same. She gets it from his side of the family… (totally kidding).

So I think I took the better part of 10 minutes of your time and I appreciate you reading my blog. I hope I managed to make you smile in sympathy or in relating to my subject matter.

Until next time, I wish you all a good night and a blessed holiday season.

Smartignani