smartignani

I am really confused. Is my baby cute or do people just say that because she is a baby? I know that I’m biased and that this bias propels me into thinking that no one and I    mean NOT A SINGLE LIVING SOUL is cuter than my daughter. But I am also quite aware of the fact that this stems from the depth of my soul which connects to the body that once conceived, bore and delivered this baby. I do believe that God instills an inherent switch in our hearts that flicks on and builds as the child grows older and we attempt to remember how cute they used to be before they turned 14 and sour and is that a piercing????

Ok. I am freaking out a little. Every book I read (including Chicken Soup for the New Mom’s Soul- good read by the way- highly recommend it) advises moms to “live in the moment”. Really? I can’t help it if I tried. My husband yells down, “Hun, are we ready to go?” and I reply “Yes, in a moment”. Night before church he asks “Have you packed her bag?” and my response “I will, in a moment”. I don’t seem to place the exact moment things actually get done or where the sum of the moments in the past 9 months went but I know this- I blinked and she grew. She is outgrowing her baby clothes and the sleepers are precariously close to resembling real clothes. She is that ‘freaky doll size’, the one in horror movies with the kid whispering a hummed tune “la la, la la, they’re coming”. I am not saying she isn’t cute still but she is a little too big to be adorable. She is the right size though, to be perfect, in my eyes (and that isn’t bias talking, it’s a fact!)

On to more important topics that undoubtedly still involve my daughter and every minute thing she does because let’s face it; this is why I write these blogs. She is my material. God has a plan for everyone. Me, He decided to give me a spirited, loud, effervescent, dynamic daughter so I can write about her and let every other mom out there know that their child is/not unique. But they are, I joke…I only joke.Please no death threats to my e-mail address.

Wait a minute, I remembered why I decided to write this blog now…

Why are mothers (me included) so afraid of their baby being delayed? I had one mother tell me that her daughter isn’t crawling at 10 months… so what?? Some go straight to running, I’m told. Also, some moms actually bee lined to me at Church to complain about the generic (and I would like to emphasize the word ‘GENERIC“) milestones that their baby has not yet accomplished. Really? Our benchmark for our unique creatures that are made up of the DNA of two unique people and created by the Creator who creates each person differently needs standards and milestones?

Here is my milestone- what if we were measured by the same metrics… can you imagine?

“Hey hunny, I read in this book that since I didn’t cook for you tonight, that would imply that I didn’t care for you which would result in you storming out of the house and sleeping at a motel near a casino where you will gamble away our daughter’s inheritance then return sheepishly tomorrow to confess all and I will forgive you as a good wife should then that would explain why our daughter has a brother…”

Really?

Our lives, personalities, attributes, dependencies, passions, tendencies and characteristics are unique which is why I started with the word “Our”. I am who I am and you are who you are. Why do we slot our baby into a small cubed benchmark and expect them to behave/react/develop the same way as so and so or even 99% of the population?

Deep inside, I am glad that my daughter is 9 months and hasn’t crawled yet because every time I see a flustered and out of breath mom chasing down her baby in Church, I sigh with relief and NO ANTICIPATION whatsoever. I feel no need to be jealous of the ragged, frustrated and often tense mom who is forcefully carrying her fighting baby (because they can crawl now, thank you very much) out of a specified setting to discipline/feed/drink/soothe/put to sleep. I am quite grateful that I can plunk my daughter down in the centre of her playroom only to return and find her either laying down on her back or tummy, or in the exact same position I left her in- except she scootched a little to the right (I don’t know why she prefers the right always but hey, that’s her). I am also excited to see her developing in other ways unique to her. Even though thousands of babies worldwide are probably doing what she is doing right now as we speak, it is still our first time seeing HER doing THAT and that is awe inspiring and amazing. I love the fact that she now sticks a “m” in front of her “aaaahhhhs” which sounds suspiciously close to “mama”. I also love the way her face contorts every time we present her with a new food. I know that every baby rocks or creeps before they crawl but there is something especially heartwarming about seeing her fall flat on her face from a seated position, cry for a few seconds then continue to drag herself backward on her belly. I also find it beautiful when she has moments of clarity and looks at me like she’s seen me for the first time and her eyes radiate her genuine love, trust and undying admiration. I worked with infants in a daycare and saw all those things before, but never have I seen anyone quite as good at any of them like my baby. I am sure you feel the same about your baby and that is God’s gift to parents. So here is the fact (or bias)- no matter who or whose baby is out there, there is only one that matters in the parents eyes, your own. Treat them with the same respect you would treat your soul, your mind and your unique personality. Do not expect your baby to fit in a small box and acquiesce to some preordained principal or developmental “milestone”.

God created your baby to be perfect- for you. So they fit perfectly in your heart. Don’t worry if they don’t walk for a while (consult the doctor after the 48th month if crawling persists) or if they don’t talk right away (again, consult doctor after the child’s 3rd birthday) but in the end… they will do what they need to do when they feel the need to do it. Relish every moment and live in the moment like those books advise. There is only one present and it is truly a gift.

I love looking at her and telling her “I love you” and sometimes I sprinkle a few words of selfish commands like “Please don’t grow up, just stay the same” and even though I know that this can’t happen, I do know that I will continue to whisper in her ear what I whisper all the time “God made you perfect, so you should just be you”.

I have made a profound discovery this morning when I woke up a little sleepy still and walked into my baby’s room- she has no expectations of me, no milestones I need to overcome to prove to her I’m normal, the least I can do is to reciprocate that respect and unconditional love”. I also discovered that she was horribly wet and that we needed to change the whole outfit (yes, including the undershirt onesy and all).

So in the end, I ask you for one favour… when you look at other babies, don’t compare them to your precious angel because soon enough they will be doing what every other baby is doing but when your baby does it, it will be the best thing YOU’VE ever witnessed… and that my friends, is a fact!

Have a great night and I look forward to your comments.

S.Martignani