smartignani

Ok. So I was reflecting the other day on how beautiful my daughter is and how spoiled she is because she is the centre of her daddy’s and my world when I realized… I may potentially be raising a diva-ish, princess who is snotty, inconsiderate, obnoxious and selfish UNLESS… she gets a sibling. Besides, everyone at Church and on the home front is like- “Hey, when are you going to have another one?” And two of my good friends are pregnant or just popped out a second baby even though their babies are barely 15 months old! So I say… so what if I am just starting to enjoy sleep… who cares about the fact that my incision from the C-section is still apparent and hurts when I bust out laughing and so what if I am just starting to regain a semblance of intimacy with my husband! I say- bring it!

Daycare costs are $275 a week – WHAT?! That is a tremendous amount of money and I know that I am investing in caregiving for my child but $275 a week is expensive! Not that I would give less for a cheaper, no name place but still, how can people afford more than one kid anyway? I am seriously contemplating hiring a nanny. We can pay her $1000 a month and have her take care of the baby and clean the house! That would be a double whammer and very useful I think. But we would have to deal with immigration, CRA and many more government departments before that happens. Also, I have seen those horror shows (namely Jerry Springer and Montel Jones) where the nannies try and seduce the husband not that he ever will, but you can never trust anyone these days. Sad but true. Still, hiring a nanny and having a clean house is a possibility- I think?
On the other side of everything, I am starting to love the fact that my baby has a set sleep time now (I jinxed myself because it is 10:47 and she is still, shockingly awake but the hubby is taking care of her so I can write my blog- that is what good hubbies do- thank you sweetie). Back from the tangent, I love the fact that 99% of the time; she goes to bed at 9ish. Which is great for my husband and I because it gives us lots of time to spend together talking, watching movies and eating popcorn (personal favourite and no, it is not a euphemism for anything else!) The fact that I have “adult” time is awesome except it is deterring me from wanting to get re-pregnant for the second time. I mean, what if the next baby is super-duper fussy and has colic. What if he or she is loud, squeaky, sickly or whiny? I know, right, my baby now- none of those things. She is an angel. Seriously, no bias just telling it as it is. She is quiet, well-mannered, even tempered, calm and serious. She rarely laughs and it would only be for really funny things (she has an eccentric and intelligent sense of humor), I like to think that this will be an indication of her future personality. Fun not flighty, thoughtful not flimsy and serious about life!

So what do I do? Ah, the ageless question after “Why am I here?” and “Where are you God?”

I think I will continue being the darnest best mommy I can be as I try and shove as much information in her bigger than average brain and just wait it out. I will continue with the lullabies, the cooing and the endless stream of silly noises that I can make with my mouth by slapping my tongue against my teeth. I believe that it will happen when it is meant to happen and I will be ready when it does. I am ready now but I am not sure if I’m still in the full mode of healthy thinking. As you can tell from two blogs ago, I am still hormonal so my mind may change tomorrow. For tonight, I will go to sleep and think of newborn baby skin and little baby feet. I will not think of the pain or misery of waiting to find out if the baby is healthy or if my body made it through the gestative transaction of pain for the miracle of life. I will forget the sleepless nights of waking every 3 hours to feed and the frustrating attempts at breast feeding. I will not recall the months of back pain, sciatica, puffiness and missing ankles. I will only remember one thing… my baby now is the result of the love of two and for my next, it will be the result of the love of three…

As I end this post, I must share that I am so blessed to have my baby now and that even if I can’t have anymore children, a fear all or most women have, I am still so grateful for what I have now.

Bless you and your families and until next time.

SMartignani