You should have told me!

So I had the perverse misconception that things would get easier. I think not.

It’s really not her fault. It’s mine. Every time I think there is a basic behavioural cause to a mutually agreeable effect, she changes her mind.
“I was crying and gnawing on my hands yesterday because I was hungry, but today I do it to soothe and tomorrow it will be because there is a surprise in my diaper which I don’t like on anymore because it is restricting and I hate it.”

Ok. So I am supposed to be the adult here but sometimes I look at her and seriously ask- “Really? Was that the problem? Really… was it worth it for you? I have a migraine and you look like you do too from your own crying!”

Here are several things I wished moms would have told me before I considered having children:

1) The constant bickering between my hubby and I about how and when and what to do with our shared new responsibility. It’s not bad bickering; it’s healthy and assertive communication really but still… I want him to know that I know everything and he researches everything so he can know everything as well. Unfortunately, I don’t know everything and not everything on the Internet is accurate so we bicker *ehem* I mean, communicate and realize that at the end of the day, it is what is best for her that counts. So I will give in a little and so will he… and she will end up with double the toys and twice the clothes.

2) The constant need to check her breathing. What is going on??? I’m obsessed. Really. I am tired of me! I see myself outside my body and think “What a freak?” So I know it and I’m aware but I can’t stop. She’s sleeping soundly and I am listening for her grunts or sighs. If none are forthcoming in the past 5 minutes, I am worried and anxious and placing my index finger under her nose in hopes of feeling her breaths. If that doesn’t work, then maniacal mom gets up and actually uncovers her baby to see her chest rising which undoubtedly wakes the baby up a little because she got cold and she opens one eye and looks at me like “Lady… are you ok?”

3) Dreaming of a drink.I love being with my baby and I know my husband does too but is it normal to want a drink at 10 in the morning? I am exaggerating, maybe at 12:30 in the afternoon. The point is, before she came along, my hubby and I had a drink almost every Friday night (Date night). It wasn’t much… a small cocktail, a Caesar or even a glass of good old Coca-Cola Classic with some pop-corn….yum. But now… no more. I always worry about her waking up at night and we can’t really stay up too late because she needs to go to bed and of course, I won’t leave her in her room, in her crib alone without me checking her breathing because God forbid if I don’t, she won’t then where will we all be??

4) Cabin Fever. I didn’t think it would be possible. I thought I was going to be the exception. The one mom who was super-duper uber ecstatic to be home with her baby. I thought I would be the next Martha Stewart and pick up painting and learn some French while I’m home. Not so much. I find myself aching to be useful again. I know that being a mommy is super important but sometimes I feel a little societally idle and wish to have some work to do! Don’t quote me on this because I might change my mind tomorrow and in case my boss is reading this blog… I still don’t miss the meetings!

5) Reconsidering the future and all my hopes, dreams and aspirations.I can’t believe I’m writing this but now more than ever, I want to be rich. Not filthy but just enough so I can stay home and be with my baby while she grows up. Funny that I write this point after I just finished ranting about cabin fever but hey, no one said that I love extremes. If I can get a job that incorporates my daughter or a part-time position, that would be ideal. Everyone says open a daycare but that would be a lot of work and to be honest, I am busy taking care of my own kid… do I have time or patience for others’ children at this point? So I will continue to hope that I either win the lottery or my husband suddenly gets promoted to CEO of his company in the coming 8 months. I will keep you posted!

I think I will stop at 5. I don’t want to overdo it and then have nothing to write for next time… as if.

I want to thank you for reading this blog and if you read my other ones, thank you for that too. I am hoping that you can share it with others you know if you like it and then maybe I will receive feedback and comments that will help me improve. I ideally would love to hear your thoughts and have an interactive forum of questions, comments and concerns… that would be fun!

Until next time…

S. Martignani
B.A.Psychology and B.Ed
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