I thought I would get over the hormonal hump post pregnancy and pre-menopause… WHAT IS HAPPENING?
I look at my baby as she sleeps with little fists at either sides of her sweet little chubby face and start to tear up. I was trying to sing a song to her about how much I love her- ad lib- because I am that good, and I started crying! What the heck man? I am not a crier, not really. I only cry when I am really mad or really happy but not often and not this easily. I am perturbed and absolutely baffled as to why I am still so hormonal… is this permanent? Another symptom of parenthood that has conveniently been forgotten from the flood of advice and warnings I received while I was pregnant?
Why do I possess this strong tendency to shed tears when I see my baby reaching out with her little stubby hands through the crib bars to touch me? Why do the human lacrimal fluids (scientific description of “tears”) become apparent every time she looks at me and genuinely, sincerely and whole heartedly smiles?
This phenomenon must have an explanation, a rational and logical analysis that will give me some hope of becoming my old, non-crying self again. I am appalled when she smiled at me in the dollar store and mumbled what I know sounded suspiciously close to “mama” (wasn’t but I am entitled to hear what I want ok???) anyway, I actually stopped the stroller and went “Did you just call me mama?” and there it was… a clear liquid drop from the corner of my right eye. I blame the strong cheap incense smell in the aisle and the strange blue chemical seeping out of the candy package hanging next to the socks (I’m not sure why candy is next to clothing anyway, hey it’s the dollar store, you can’t really question much). I digress. I was crying.
Why?
I have no clue.
It was embarrassing. I left. I actually walked out of the dollar store with nothing which is rare and almost impossible for me since I always buy something from the dollar store because let’s face it- it’s ONLY a dollar!!
A close friend who reads my blogs made me realize that my daughter is not yet 6 months old. I was counting by weeks which is funky since some months have five weeks and so on but that would mean her birthday would change every year which would be fun but not practical (sorry for the run on sentence). So I realized if we are counting by months, then my daughter will not be 6 months until January 17. Which is awesome for me because I thought I was growing old too quickly … and thanks to my friend, my baby’s birthday will not vary each year and be inconsistent like my moods and hormones (which are the reason I wrote this blog to begin with!)
On to an important topic that I want to discuss before I close. Christmas. What’s the deal with parents going out and buying a million toys for their kids. Really? Is that what the theme is now? Who gets the best toy or the biggest doll or the shiniest train? Why have we forgotten the real meaning of Christmas? Santa Claus, a legendary and mythical man who GIVES gifts to children on Christmas Eve. Christmas is about giving and that is what I want to teach my baby. I am no scrooge and you better believe that I will be buying her gifts and wrapping them and putting them under the tree. However, I want to teach her the true meaning of the season. In our faith, Christmas means the birth of a saviour who wanted to gift us with a very special gift- his life. In turn, every Christmas, I want to teach her the true meaning of giving. Go out and do some sort of community service or donate a certain amount of money to a charity we choose together. I want her to eventually donate some of her toys to children who are in need and have less that she does. Is that wrong?
Am I the Grinch?
My husband and I have differing opinions and approaches and I think that this is due to our backgrounds and upbringing. I am sure she will be spoiled by her grandparents and that is a given. I am also sure that she will be excited Christmas morning to see what Santa left for her under the tree. Nevertheless, I want her to look forward to a family tradition like baking cookies or singing carols together as a family. That is my hope for the coming year- I will let you know how that goes!
I hope everyone had a fantastic new year and a wonderful Christmas that saw families come together and enjoy the food, laughter and memories. I wish you all the best in 2012 and please let me know what you think of my Christmas Rant… we can call it that for now =)
Take care,
S Martignani
smartignani 